Am I just faking it?

I don't know if I am faking my attraction to other women. I flip-flop between liking the idea of having a relationship with one or not. I've summarized this into bullet points:

-I feel very connected to the wlw community on tumblr, but in real life I don't see a lot of women that I find attractive. I'm not repulsed by the idea of kissing one and sometimes I really, really like that idea, but other times I feel quite neutral towards it.

-I really like the idea of a romantic relationship with a women sometimes, but other times can't even imagine how that would be different from friendship and think friendship is enough.

-I have this idea of a woman in my head who I find really attractive but she is faceless. Similarly, I find pictures on tumblr of women attractive, but generally more so if their faces aren't in it. So for example a picture from the back, I find their figure and their hair really attractive, and similarly a picture taken from the side I find the side profile of a woman really attractive but not often do I find women attractive from the front.

-Having said all that I think I would find a woman more attractive if I thought she was attracted to me, as opposed to random strangers on the street who I awkwardly stare at to test my attraction.

-I often read situations where I am alone with another women as potentially romantic, even though I think they probably see it as completely platonic, but I don't know if that's because I want it to become romantic or again because I'm trying to test myself.

-I think that even if I am attracted to women I'm bisexual not gay, and to be fair I feel kind of the same way towards men so maybe it's unfair to analyse my feelings towards women and I should just accept that I'm bisexual?

-Surely the fact that I'm even questioning this much means I can't be straight. For example, I don't have to question my gender at all because I just know I'm a girl, so surely if I were just straight I wouldn't be questioning it this much?

I am very confused, please help if you can.

 

Thanks for replying.

Honestly I don't have crushes on anyone very often. The only one I have had recently, i.e. in the past two years or so, was a fairly minor one on a guy, but having said that the only crush I have ever had which was truly a full-blown crush was on a girl a few years ago, somebody I was already friends with.

To be honest I'm not entirely sure what a crush is - the crush I had recently on a guy was where I found him attractive and I liked his personality, and when we hugged I liked it, and I felt a bit nervous around him, but I wasn't longing for him all the time or anything, and it wasn't like I was constantly thinking about him, more just that I felt those things if he was there. But I would still call that a crush. But the crush I had on the girl was much more intense, we used to pretend-flirt with each other and I loved it and wished it was real, I really wanted to just hug her all the time and be close to each other, and I was longing to kiss her and I dreamed about it. She was my friend so I saw her a lot more often than I saw this guy, but I thought about her when she wasn't there and stuff like that, in a romantic way. I was so infatuated with her I thought I might even be in love with her, which now I recognize was just infatuation, but still that was just an indicator of how strong the feelings were.

However that was five years ago now and I haven't had a crush so intense since. I think I have had maybe three other minor crushes on girls, two of which were also on my friends, but like I said in a much less intense way. I find that because the majority of my girl crushes are on girls I'm friends with, I mostly just find myself wanting to be physically close with them, and thinking that if they were up for it I would kiss them, but not really thinking that I absolutely have to make out with them, and also I feel a bit awkward about feeling anything like that towards them because they're my friends.

And as for celebrities I don't know, there were one or two female celebrities that I might have been crushing on but didn't really realize it at the time, and in comparison to that there have been a couple of male celebrities who I have definitely had crushes on.

I think you're right about tumblr though, some posts on tumblr make lesbianism so bound up with "aesthetic" or whatever that it's hard to tell if I am identifying with the lesbian sentiment or just the aesthetic. Though I really am very drawn to pictures of girls kissing, and I did have feelings I might be bisexual years before I ever got tumblr and even longer before the wlw "movement" or whatever you want to call it on tumblr started happening.

Essentially I feel like I must be bisexual because otherwise why would I have spent so many years questioning it? I think perhaps I am getting caught up in figuring out if I am attracted to them equally, but I guess that doesn't really matter because as long as I am attracted to them both in some way, I would still be bisexual. But it would still be really good to get more input from somebody else, I know nobody can figure it out except me but I honestly drive myself crazy trying to figure all this out and it's just good to get some objectivity.