Okay, so for the past few months I have labeled myself as a lesbian. I had labeled myself bisexual for a while, but I soon began to discover I had far more attraction towards women and when I started to explore that, my attraction towards men faded away, and I began to realize that most of my 'attraction' had been built up and forced by me. I am not repulsed by 'men,' I like their personalities, I like it when they like me (platonically), I have desires to have deep friendships. I am even capable of finding them attractive. But even the ones I find attractive, the though of having sex with them is not something I want. I mean, (NSFW) I like the idea of being penatrated, I like the idea of being kissed at all (never been) and I like the idea of someone loving me enough to have sex with me. Dream territory: my first wet dream was about a girl. It wasn't very intimate but I was into it even just for the sex. Recently, after talking to my dad who thinks I just need to find the right dude, I had a dream where I was at some prep school, and where I got into a relationship with a boy. And I remember liking the guy, getting along with him, liking that he liked me, but there was this big layer of "ugh, let's get this over with." I was a little repulsed by the idea of him having sex with me, even though I liked his personality, him as a friend, but I knew penetration felt good even if I didn't want to look at or think about most of what was happening. And in the dream I was in a rush to have sex with him so I could know if I liked guys or not. And in the dream we started, and I liked being kissed, and I liked that he wanted me, but it all repulsed me a little, and when it came time for penetrating, I really wanted to be penatrated, (it's my favorite type of masturbation) but I had to look away and pretend I wasn't getting a penis shoved in me becuase that would make me grossed out. And I had to think only about the penetration and not about the guy or his feelings or his body. Now that sounds more like a lesbian. I guess it's just that there is a compatibility with guys even though there isn't that attraction or passion. Becuase with girls, I love explosively everything about them. It's just that their personalities are not usually as compatible with me as guys are, in a friend way. Idk. If I have a small compatibility with men, a 2percent when the other 98 is for women, can I still say I'm a lesbian? I don't want to date guys. I don't really want to marry one. I could but it would feel like a lie. I'd feel like those lesbians who marry guys and realize 20 years later 'I just can't do this anymore.' I have barely any friends, of either gender. I am starved for friendship in general. I guess the dream shook me becuase I'm not EWW GROSS I HATE THIS GET HIM AWAY FROM ME DISGUSTING about men. But I'm not OOH I LOVE HIM I FEEL CONNECTED I WANT TO BE WITH HIM FOREVER. Any advice, please.
Hi! I am dealing with a similar situation to you in a lot of ways. I (privately) thought I was bisexual for years, but recently realised that my preference for women far outweighs any attraction to men. The more I started to think about it, the more I started to question whether I was attracted to men at all - yes, I had had crushes on boys in high school, yes, I can still see an attractive man and think, well he's cute, but the more I started thinking about having an emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a guy the more I started thinking it probably wouldn't feel 'right'. Peering down the scope of hindsight I began to realise that I had always wondered what the fuss about guys was --- the thought of kissing a guy, how it felt to hold his hand, these never produced any feeling besides 'meh' for me, something just felt... missing. The more I thought about women, however, the more I understood that all those feelings and desires I was supposed to have for guys, were present for me with women instead. I've only recently (the past couple of weeks) began to come to terms with the fact I might be gay, as opposed to bisexual. The biggest obstacle for me here though, is like you I don't know if I can say I am 100% solely attracted to girls. I have this fear that I'll come out as a lesbian but down the line I'll realise that I can be attracted to men too, because the thought of sex with a man and 'penetration' isn't really an 'offputting' thought, it's more just kind of... incomplete. It's like I could probably go on in heterosexual relationship and it would be okay, but like you I feel like I would get 20 years down the track and think I can't do this anymore. To me, and this is just my personal observation from what you have written, it seems like you would much prefer to be with a woman and could very well be a lesbian. One of the hardest things for me right now in coming to terms with my own true sexuality is breaking past those preconceptions I have about lesbianism. I have this idea in my head that every lesbian has to be completely put off by the thought of sex with a man, repulsed even. But I'm starting to think that maybe this is not the case, maybe it's more about who you can see yourself having a fully fulfilling relationship with. The internal struggle I've faced is wondering whether I can call myself gay if there's still a chance I might meet a man one day who I am attracted to, even if that chance is small. I have this intense fear of being a 'fake lesbian'. Yet I don't feel at all comfortable with the bisexual label. It's confusing as hell and kind of ridiculous, if I think about it, beating our brains black and blue trying to peg ourselves in the right category. And yet, for me at least, this category matters. I want to feel like I belong somewhere, I want to put a name to how I feel, to who I want in life. Unfortunately I can't offer much advice as I am in a similar situation to you. What I can say though is that you aren't alone in how you feel, and maybe just knowing that might help in some small way x ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2016 at 07:08 PM ---------- P.S: I've just started a new thread under 'can a kinsey 5 call herself a lesbian?' Any responses that might come through on there might potentially be useful in some way for you as well
