For those struggling with their sexuality, a must read

This is probably something I need to take to heart but I find it very difficult - I often want to call myself a lesbian but I feel like my feelings haven't been solid enough. I always thought sex at least with guys would be great and its something I liked to think about. Being into girls only crossed my mind a few times but I never felt like I was hiding. Once I thought it through, although I suppose I could probably enjoy just sex with a guy, I want to be with girls, and I am uncomfortable with people talking about me with a guy in the future or something. I dont even want to have something casual with a guy.

But I feel so much that when you say you're gay it has to be so cut and dry like "I always knew but I was scared and hiding and my family was really religious so I was never comfortable". I was uncomfortable with the idea of lesbians but I wasn't uncomfortable with myself. Can I explain how i feel to people without them wanting an explanation about how I felt this way since I was ten or in total fear of crushing dissaproval if I ever did anything with a guy? Omg.

The way being gay is categorised really stresses me out. But at the same time I feel like I can't stop thinking like that too? Like you are born gay. Good article.

 

I'm pretty sure it does facilitate bonding. I mean our closest relatives are Bonobo chimpanzees and sex is ridiculously important to bonding for them.

 

I had a glance through the article. I don't really want to respond to the specifics of the article, so much as I want to mention something interested you might want to read. I'm reading a book about the science of being gay (I forget the exact title) by Simon Levay. He discusses that sexuality for a greater percentage of men is fixed. Women are much more likely to be sexually fluid. That isn't to say men can't be bisexual (or some degree thereof), but that women are much more likely to be.

As for the birth argument, he discusses a lot of biological switches which likely impact our sexual orientation. For example, he looks at how a late infusion of testosterone in rats affects orientation and other aspects of physical development. It's a highly recommended read if you're into this sort of thing. As a non-biologist, there's only so much I can properly ingest of the book, but it's quite fascinating nonetheless. It isn't a super difficult book to read, but I would imagine I'd get much more out of it if I were a scientist.

 

Really interesting article. I appreciate the question: "why play their game and pretend the only forms of difference that deserve justice are those we were born with?" I understand the political ramifications of letting go of the Born This Way story. But I think we must question whether or not this explanation is the only thing keeping us moving toward equality. Would it be fair to strip individuals of their rights/freedoms to love another even if sexuality was a choice? I'd say it would still be unfair + unjust.

It's clearly a complicated issue but for someone like me who comes from a psychology + philosophy background I find it fascinating. In my opinion it's always best to seek the truth - even (especially?) when it's scary.