Losing my entire romantic drive \\ Losing the initial thrill

I'm a lesbian, but, I haven't been able to romantically visualize/imagine myself with girls lately (or anyone for that matter.)

I can trigger these feelings sometimes, buts it's really hard to conjure.

Thinking about being with girls used to get me so excited and happy, and it felt wonderful. I thought about it 24/7. I still get these feelings sometimes but it's rare and I can't feel as thrilled as I used to.

People will say when you can't have these feelings anymore, it means your orientation might've changed which I don't want to be true. I like girls but my desire has been really dulled in intensity lately. But I don't think I'm straight because I don't suddenly like men, they're still gross ew. I just suddenly lost interest in other girls. I don't want to change though, I could never give women up.

I'm getting pretty obsessive over this too. Whenever my desires turn off just for a bit I freak out about it.

I also been finding sexual fantasies easier to visualize, but romantic fantasies I can't conjure at all, even if it used to be easy. I don't even remember what it felt like to be in love, I can just describe old feelings with words.

I'm saying this because it worries me, and the fact desires have dulled down feels abnormal. I feel like I should be more interested in these things but Im not for some reason?

I'll also like to ask older lesbians: when you first realize you were gay, did your initial thrill and happiness about being with girls eventually slow down? If so, were they ever as intense again, or did you only feel that way again once you fell in love again?

I'd also like to point out: I knew I was gay when I was 11, I'm 13 now. Romance became harder to visualize since last September. I also used to take anti-depressants, which I know slows down those kinda of love feelings, but I haven't took them in a long time so..

In conclusion: I'm young, used to have intense feelings and can't really feel as much anymore, I kinda want to have my feelings back because it feels weird without them.. and will my feelings come back? Will I not have interest until I meet another special girl? Will I change? (I don't want to.) Were all these special feelings just a phase?

Help please.

 

Fantasizing (or not) about something does not change your orientation. Your orientation is who you are sexually and/or romantically attracted to, not if you fantasize. But all those feelings you have had are valid. Negative emotions could have made you tired of fantasizing (like too much stress). I'm sorry I can't answer if your feelings will come back because I don't know but the thing to remember is just because you don't fantasize as much anymore doesn't mean your orientation and/or feelings have changed.

 

Take a deep breath and remember, no matter what happens with your feelings you are still you. That doesn't change.
Second, it's hard to say and I think everyone's different. It could be that thinking about it a lot wore out the fantasy in a sense (not that that would affect how you'll feel in real life), you could be experiencing more stress and that could affect this, the "newness/excitement" feeling could have been more strong in the beginning, and now it's just mellowed out to normal.
It could be some other reason. But regardless of what the reason may be you should not feel at fault for it, nor should you feel it must be a bad thing that you have to change. No human being can control their emotions, and furthermore this may just be normal. In fact, it probably is. I think this may be one of those things that's easy to way overthink and worry unnecessarily about, and trust me I've done my fair share of over worrying

But only time will tell really. It's definitely good to be in tune with your feelings and emotions and be aware of changes, but not all changes mean something bad. I say just let it play out, see what happens in the future. In my experience, no amount of forced effort can conjure up feelings you want to have. If anything it can mute them because you're overthinking it and causing stress.

And also: you're young. It may not seem like it now, but in a few years time you'll probably be looking back on where you are right now with a whole different perspective and learned experiences. You can't know what the future holds exactly other than it'll be different from now. As a 17 year old, I had some problems I was dealing with at your age that scared me and that I thought would never go away. Today I don't really remember what they were or have better tools to deal with them. Just like you've probably had things that worried you a few years ago that you now see weren't a big deal. But the only way you've come to see that is by learning through experience. That's the only thing you can do when you feel stuck sometimes. Wait and in time you'll learn more and see how things really are with your feelings in the future. Promise yourself you won't stress yourself out to much over this<3 That's the best favor you can do for yourself always. And in the meantime, while you wait and see what the future holds, don't forget that there are so many other things about yourself that are equally if not more important<3

Best wishes~

 

Thanks for your advice guys :3

I guess my problem is if I lost these feelings I just wouldn't be me anymore, and these feelings have become slightly infrequent, and I havent felt like myself at all lately..

I still miss this girl I liked in the past, and still think of her sometimes, but otherwise I don't miss her as intensely anymore, and I haven't been attracted to anyone in almost a year. Yet I haven't been meeting anyone new, so..

I know change doesn't always mean something bad, but it sure feels bad right now. I more-so kinda went from "I want a girlfriend so bad! <3" to "id like one but I'm kinda meh on relationships right now"

But truthfully I am becoming a lot more less connected to the things that used to be a part of me, so maybe I'm having some kind of problem.

And I have been going through stress, which may be a reason. I don't know. But thanks anyway. :3