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Feeling gay and trapped

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Confusedfetish, Jun 29, 2016.

  1. Confusedfetish

    Regular Member

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    I told my wife (of 22 years)yesterday that I need physical sexual contact with a man. I've told her before that I am bisexual. She said she is tired of me talking about my gay fantasies. She said, having these gay thoughts are part of my foot fetish (gay). She's in denial of my sexuality. It's been many years since I've had sex with men. When I married I made my decision to be monogamous. Now, I can't refuse these urges any longer. I'm seriously considering cruising the gay bars and XXX arcade that I know are hook up spots. Lost in confusion and really don't want to leave my wife. I also have a gay leg cast fetish that really turns things on ear:help::help::***::***:
     
  2. Tomás1

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    I suggest finding a local therapist, glbtq friendly, and ask your wife to attend w u.

    Otherwise renegotiate your monogamy w your wife. U need to determine whether you're willing to risk your marriage for sex w a man. Are you?
     
  3. Confusedfetish

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    Thanks for replying. I've been to a therapist in the past for my sexual confusion. On recommendation by my wife. I told her (the therapist) about my life long attraction to girls and guys. I also told her how when I was in my teens I had crushes on 2 of my buddies but that I never considered myself gay or homosexual. I thought being gay was being a femme. I really didn't understand and really didn't want to know how I could have a girlfriend, be girl crazy, enjoy sex with women and still be gay. I thought it was all just a crazy phase. So I continued my closeted life because I couldn't bring myself to admit that guys are what really turns me on. Not the sexy girls I've been chasing around. The therapist asked me what I fantasize about when I masturbate. She asked me if I still have romantic and sexual feelings for my wife. She asked me if I felt sexually repressed or pent up. I told here that I am much more sexually attracted to men. I told her about my gay foot/leg cast fetish. I told her I was still romantically and sexually interested in my wife, but lately I couldn't get the urges to have gay sexual contact to stop. Then she asked if I'd ever consider coming out as gay? She said that it might help with my sexual orientation confusion. I told her the truth........all the time. She told me she thought I should come out as gay. And here I am again. Struggling with my repressed sexuality. My wife won't attend the therapist sessions with me. She said if I want to act like a queer I don't need her permission. I don't want to be unfaithful but I have a strong craving for something she can't provide and refuses to accept. If I bring it up at all these days to her she gets intensely upset. I do love her.......but I'm feeling more gay by the day and from what I've read repression just makes the gayness more intense and destructive. Catch 22?:tears::tears:
     
  4. AlmostBlue

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    Your therapist's suggestion to come out as gay seem very odd. How is that constructive? You are clearly not entirely homosexual.

    I'm sorry you are going through a tough time, but you married your wife and made a commitment. Either you two renegotiate (which she seems to refuse to do), or you have to choose to stay with her or leave her to explore your homosexuality. I think you can try a little bit more to explain to her your feelings (but not constantly and maybe leave her alone for a while as she sounds upset), but she doesn't have to accomodate your needs. That's something you two have to figure out and decide. Saying that you need physical contact with a man but don't want to leave your wife is like trying to have the cake and eat it too.