As a much younger guy I had my first experience... We were definitely boyfriends, we kissed and did many other things that looking back on, were absolutely gay. There was also another guy after that.. I tried to be with girls though, and admittedly.. I was not as successful. However, this being my first successful "relationship" it comes back to haunt me and I have NEVER spoke about it since. Mostly, because I don't think I could do so without coming out and I am not sure If that is something that I should even do. I am 30 now and have been hit on by men many times throughout the years. Today even, but I mostly attribute this to me being attractive. I do not think that I "act gay" and I definitely do not dress gay. As far as what I am attracted to.. I find the penis arousing. I do like transsexual porn and heterosexual porn. I have tested myself with porn and it was just a man, literally just a man.. holding his penis and it works for me, but so does just looking at a woman's Vagina. I do not like watching two hairy men go at it. This makes me feel like I am Not gay, however, I have to say that I am pretty sure I can be happy with a guy. Example.. I almost went home with a guy once publicly at bar, but a girl who was there stopped me. Kind of a big deal, because it was public and I felt something. I have had sex with women over the years and I feel like I should mention that they were 9/10 the aggressors. I love it when someone comes at me, but unfortunately our first sexual encounters were a fail. (Not Always though, just mostly) I have trouble maintaining an erection the first time around. Eventually, I can overcome this and perform normally, but as a late performer. Or someone who takes awhile to finish. Bothering me because I feel like someone at my age should have this figured out.
Hi ActuallyMe, Firstly there are a lot of people who begin to question their sexuality at an 'older' age, or who haven't yet got it all figured out, so I would hate for you to feel like you're doing something wrong for not having it all worked out just yet. It is true that some people know from such as early age where they fit on the sexuality spectrum, but others, myself included, only start realising, coming to terms with, or exploring this, a bit later in life, and there is absolutely nothing wrong or silly with that at all. From what you've described you sound to me like you could perhaps be bisexual, particularly as you are aroused by both the penis and the vagina. It sounds like you haven't really been permitted to explore your curiousity for men in the recent years, even though it is something that seems to be still on your mind. Something to consider is who you have had romantic attraction to. Are the experiences you've had with men and women entirely sexual, or was there a romantic pull as well? Do you find yourself looking more at women, more at men, or are they both somewhat equal? Just so you know, 'acting gay' and 'dressing gay' are not required attributes in order to be attracted to men. Any type of man, regardless of how they act or dress, can be attracted to the same-sex. There is no rulebook for what someone has to be like in order to be gay, or bisexual or any sexual orientation for that matter Unfortunately no one can hand you a checklist that will tell you what your sexuality is (much to my dismay!). It is something we have to decipher within ourselves. However, EmptyClosets is definitely a great place for advice, and you'll find there are a lot of people experiencing much the same thing as you on here. Asking questions and talking to other members on here is a fantastic way to start to find understanding and acceptance within yourself x
