Ok, things will get a little bit rough here. And I'm going to go straight to the point. I got out of the closet about 2 years ago, even though it didn't go completely as planned, that was actually relieving. I have only had encounters with men, so I just considered myself to be gay. I was never a very sexual person, and sex is not what really makes me what to start a relationship with someone. Since I got out out the closet, I've had a (very short) relationship with a guy, with whom we had great times together, and then occasional meetings/hookups with other guys. In that relationship and those meeting, no more than masturbation and oral ever happened. A few week ago, I met a guy who kept insisting on anal (both as top and bttm) So, as I had never actually had the opportunity (nor wanted to) I thought I could try... The thing is that, I guess I'm not really into sex, is just like something I have to take care of to enjoy the cuddling afterwards. I didn't have problems with mutual masturbation or giving and receiving oral, but I didn't enjoy it either, and I really didn't like all the anal stuff (not as top nor bttm). I have read about all this "Side" gay thing, as oppose to tops and bottoms, but I don't really identify with that, because I don't really enjoy it, I take it just like a duty. So, what are your thoughts on this? Can I be romantically attracted to guys but not sexually?
It's definitely possible. Source: personal experience. I'm not really sure what "side" gay means though. Asexual itself has a few different subgroups in it, so you may want to look into them and find which one suits you more
Based on what you describe, you're not asexual, at least not according to the widely accepted definition. Several possibilities: You may simply have a low sex drive and sex isn't that important to you. That's well within the normal spectrum of sexual expression. And you may simply not enjoy anal sex. One study I read some years back reported that some 40% of gay guys don't enjoy anal. So again, nothing unusual there. It is possible that you simply haven't connected to strong sexual attraction yet which is why the non-anal sex isn't all that exciting. But again, this could also be well within the normal spectrum of sexual attraction. FInally, there's no credible evidence to support the idea of a separation between romantic and sexual attraction; this is a concept promoted by a tiny fringe group, without a shred of data, research or evidence to support it. So... most likely, you're a normal, everyday guy, who likes guys, and doesn't have a particularly strong sex drive. Nothing unusual about that, no special, unrecognized labels needed
Well, if you don't feel sexual desires for people, you can call yourself asexual. It's totally possible being asexual and gay/homoromantic, i'm panromantic and asexual myself.
I just posted this in another thread so it seems like this is just my thing today - but the Purple-Red Scale cleared up a lot of stuff for me, so maybe it will for you? Idk. It's basically a Kinsey scale that accounts for both romantic and sexual attraction. Obviously you don't have to use the labels provided by the Purple-Red Scale - you should use the label that makes you the most comfortable, whether that's "asexual," "tertiary sexuality," "queer af," etc.
