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Struggle with Bisexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by fern, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. fern

    Regular Member

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    Hey all - I've been pretty nonactive on here recently. But in the last year I told my boyfriend about the issues I had been having (thinking I might be gay, or at least bi/homoflexible?, and wanting to separate when we move back to the USA so that I could explore that) and he was really great with it - we're still super good friends and I've been trying to figure myself out here in LA.

    However - I just have really rough days/nights sometimes. It's just so beyond frustrating not knowing part of your own self. Like I've been really trying to figure out my sexuality for years now and it's just so frustrating that I still just don't get it fully. I'm really trying to actively date girls but it's just very difficult...I still haven't really had any success in dating. I guess I've only been here for a few months...maybe I had too high of expectation I just really thought I'd maybe have a girlfriend by now.

    I think what most gets to me is that I just really don't want to be bisexual. I'm really hoping when I eventually get a girlfriend it will just blow away all past relationships with boys and I'll know that's 100% what I want for the rest of my life. I just fear that being bi will mean it'll be very hard for me to be with anyone for very extended periods of time. For instance - I know that so far every time I've been with a guy for a few years I start to get very frustrated and want to just be with a girl. I fear it'll be the same in a relationship with a girl. Which sucks - since I really want to be able to settle down with one person and have a family.
     
  2. mvp 447

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    The crappy reality is that sexuality isn't often so clear. It can ebb and flow, potentially because of hormonal changes during a month for both sexes and change as you age. Try not to overthink it.
     
  3. fern

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    so I should just kind of expect that no matter who I end up settling down with there's a good chance that at some point I'll really want to be with the opposite sex instead? that's just so sad to me hah - maybe that's just something a lot of people deal with though?

    I guess my problem is also that I'm just very not comfortable with identifying as bisexual. I feel stating that to people I can see they just always kind of disregard it and think that I'm just "confused" no matter which way I really sway...also it's just such an over-sexualized identify in most peoples minds which I hate. I suppose I have to just work on accepting the term though.

    But, like I said - I still have hope that when I eventually have a girlfriend it will maybe just suddenly all feel right and I'll be able to stop questioning everything and just identify as gay. =\