1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Resurgence

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by sam the man, Jul 6, 2016.

  1. sam the man

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2013
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Ok, I didn't really expect to be making another thread about this. I don't expect it to resolve things either, I just want to know other people have had the same sort of experience I guess. It's more to let off some steam than anything.

    So... yeah. I questioned my sexuality a lot, and there's a bunch of threads on here about that. Basically, fantasies about guys becoming more prevalent, probable interest in a (male) friend, possibly looking at guys ... a lot of the usual stuff really. That went on for quite a while, but around new year this year I got sick to the back teeth of it all and just didn't even entertain it - I was done with it, I didn't bother asking the questions, it wasn't something I invested my energy into. Sure, I did some things straight guys wouldn't ordinarily do, but hey, there wasn't any evidence I wasn't straight that I found convincing, so...

    That's been the last six months pretty much. Recently though... I've been in online contact with the friend mentioned earlier more, and begun getting more thoughts of him, and begun noticing my preferences in terms of fantasy more (yes, they've started to involve him more again). Only this time, this uptick has come with a degree of... I guess anger, and resentment that wasn't really there before? These feelings for my friend divide me, it has to be said. I guess I enjoyed some of them, otherwise they wouldn't be recurrent. But I hate the fact that it caused me confusion, dislike the idea of being "tied" to someone else like that, blame myself for allowing an idea of him to take control of my mind in that way...

    Last time I started out with a rational approach, which I soon found out doesn't do anything. Now I find there's a fair degree of bitter emotions in there too, almost cynicism/weariness with it... I don't really talk with my inner voice as much, I'm more likely than before to just get angry with it and brood.

    Sorry if this was poorly written, it's late and I'm tired... anyways has anyone shared this state of mind before or have a perspective on it? (I have a general idea of what answers might look like but it's usually worth asking)