I am a 21 year old female and right now I think I'm bisexual but sometimes I think, "Am I a lesbian?" I'm only out to two of my friends, and they happen to be lesbians. I live in a small, religious, conservative town so my options on who to talk to are limited. I've known I liked women since I was thirteen, I just knew my parents wouldn't approve so I denied it for years and only dated guys. I only fully accepted that I'm bisexual six months ago. Here's the thing, I'm attracted to women in every way and I know that. but it's my attraction towards men that I'm still questioning. I had a boyfriend in high school whom I had known since I was five. I was physically and emotionally attracted to him and I was devastated when we broke up right before college. But besides him, I've never been attracted physically or emotionally to guys. I remember when I was younger, my friends would talk about the cute boy in our class everyone liked or the hot actor or male singer. It was obvious I wasn't interested but I pretended to like guys just so I could seem normal. I've noticed a pattern with me and men. I was thirteen when I had a crush on this guy friend of mine. I remember thinking, "He's a great friend of mine and he's nice so I guess I'll crush on him." I was never physically attracted to him though. Then when I was nineteen I met a guy at work and it was the same thing. He was a great friend so I figured I needed to crush on him but still, I wasn't physically attracted to him. I was asked so many times by family if I had met a guy in college that I even picked out a random guy in my class to have a crush on. Sure he was cute but there was nothing there as far as attraction goes. There was only one guy that I was attracted to and that was the guy I dated in high school. I haven't really been attracted to any guy in my life besides that one so am I bisexual with just more of a preference towards women? I was watching a bisexual youtuber who said that she had a preference for women and only a preference for certain kinds of men. I'm just confused.
It's ok to not be sure, and you don't have to nail down a specific answer or label right now if you don't feel 100% sure. It sounds like you're saying that the only time you've been *genuinely* attracted to a guy, was your high school boyfriend. It might help to consider how you felt sexually with him...did you have sex with him and, if so, was the male/female sex arousing for you? Or was it more like you cared for the person, but weren't into their body or the sexuality as much? Sorry if I am not much help - I'm still figuring out my own self too - but part of my realization process, for me, was the fact that even though I can find guys objectively attractive and care about them as people, I 1) get grossed out by their actual sexual anatomy and 2) don't connect emotionally on the deeper level that I can with my female friends. So those are some things to consider, and I'm sure that other people here will be more helpful than me.
Thank you so much for answering, your answer was very helpful! I never had sexual relations with him. I'm honestly grossed out about men's sexual anatomy too, just the thought of it grosses me out, I really don't know why. I can look at the guy with clothes on and think, "He's hot" but the idea of see his anatomy grosses me out. I remember kissing my ex boyfriend and it was ok. It wasn't fireworks like I had dreamt it would be. I never really got into it. I think I cared for him because he was my best friend, I wasn't really into his body. I have a friend who is honestly one of my best friends and I always connected with her on a deeper emotional level than I ever did with a guy. When I was in high school, I was thinking more of getting an apartment with her one day than I ever was thinking of marrying my boyfriend one day. I don't know, I just never connected with men like I did women. Thanks for the help and good luck with figuring yourself out!
If you find yourself being grossed out by men's sexual anatomy, then that could definitely mean something. I would suggest asking yourself something along the lines of, "Can I ever picture myself sleeping with a man?" I asked myself a similar question to truly determine if I was ace or not, and when I could answer "no" and mean it 100%, then I knew my answer. Though, it's not that easy for everyone. Don't push yourself too hard to figure this all out right away! Have you considered being biromantic while also being a lesbian? Relationships aren't all about sex, after all. Again, you're the only one who can figure this out, I'm just trying to give you a step in what could be or could not be the right direction! And there's no rush to figuring this out!
No, I h can't imagine sleeping with a man. Honestly, when I do, it makes me feel sick. I think I may be demisexual because the emotional attachment does tend to be important for me to be attracted to the person. I don't know, I just know whenever I would have sexual dreams, it was always with women, never with men
Well, I'm a lesbian and that's something I used to do all the time. Other lesbians on EC have mentioned doing the same thing. That doesn't sound like something a bisexual girl would say~.
Thank you for your advice! I've been thinking long and hard about it today and I really think I am a lesbian. I just don't see myself with a man. I think I said I was bisexual because then when I did come out to my parents, it would give them some hope I would be with a man. They are very religious and believe that being gay is wrong. Lately though, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be with a guy. I mean, if I was attracted to men, I would think every part of them is attractive wouldn't I? I obviously don't find it attractive so I think I'm a lesbian. I've been watching The L Word and I am seriously crushing on some of the women on that show.
Ooh, good luck~. (*hug*) Like, dealing with your parents and all. Congrats on starting to get things figured out.
You're definitely lesbian, that's pretty obvious. I think you should try to get in touch with local (regional) LGBT community in order to be able to neutralize the negative influence of your conservative religious town. The best option for you would be, in my opinion, to move to a large city and start a new life (in accordance with your sexuality) there. I wish you all the best!
You could simply be bisexual- predominantly female in terms of interest. If there are regularly or even semi-regularly, males you are emotionally or physically interested in, I'd have concerns about simply going "oh, lesbian". Eff it, don't worry about labels, ya know? Go with how you feel.
