1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Questioning sexuality while in a relationship

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by mangopassion, Jul 8, 2016.

  1. mangopassion

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Finland
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi guys. I´m new here and I thought this forum might be useful for me to find help. I have to apologize my English, it is not my native language and I didn´t have time to check correct grammar or words, so forgive me.

    I am a 17 years old girl and I have been questioning my sexual orientation recently. I´ve always knew that I´m not 100% straight but never thought it any further. I´ve been dating my boyfriend almost a year and I love him so much. My bf and I have talked about this but I but living in an ignorance gives me stress and damages my relationship.

    I´ve always been sexually interested in women more than men. When I was younger, I masturbated to the thought of a woman OR a man and a woman together but never only the thought of a man or me having sex with a random man. But now I do fantasize about my bf and doing stuff with him but I can come more easily when I´m thinking of girls. These thoughts about women have never come in the real life, I´ve never been aroused by seeing a naked girl in a public shower etc. but what if I Have disclaimed my attraction towards females? I´ve thought of it and I´ve became to the solution that I MIGHT be bisexual (still not sure lol). But my mind won´t calm down because I have a fear of being lesbian. I don´t want to be a lesbian (I´m not homophobic) because then I wouldn´t be able to be with my boyfriend.

    I´ve always had crushes on guys and some of them have been really strong. I´ve always thought myself with a man, never with a girl until now. But would that be only because of social standards? I question everything. I don´t remember any specific crushes on girls, but some attractions and butterflies. Like, I really like her appearance but I still don´t want to be with her? Honestly, I have no idea how it feels to have a crush on a girl. Does it feel different than having a crush on a boy? I´ve kissed my female friend drunk once and I really liked it. After that I´ve had a little sexual attraction to her but no emotional connection.

    But right now sex is a problem in our relationship and the reason is that I´m suffering from very low sex drive. I WANT to want my bf, I think he is attractive, sexy, and I really like his appearance. I can imagine having sex with him and it feels right but I have problems to turn on. That is one reason why I started to question my sexual orientation. When I´m with him, I want to do sexual stuff with him, but then If I feel aroused, I overthink and start feeling like ‘meh I don´t want to do anything right now´ and then the anxiety and frustration comes. Usually that happens before foreplay but sometimes during that I suddenly lost my interest. I have no idea why. My boyfriend´s sex drive is high and I feel really bad to not to response to his needs.

    We never have had sex really often but I think it would be because we both are STILL virgins (but we do have oral sex) and there were a lot of awkwardness in the beginning and we haven´t had an opportunity to try intercourse out but only once and it hurt like hell, I have to admit.

    The lack of my sex drive started a month ago when I started questioning my sexuality. I think I had medium interest before but I´ve never felt like a strong passion towards my boyfriend like ´I wanna rip your clothes off’ and stuff like that. Also I never take the initiative because I feel a little bit ashamed to do that. But now I´m not even interested in sex in general. I don´t want to see sexy women or men in ads, porn, read or even hear anything that would have something to do with sexuality or sex. My head is a mess right now.

    Also I need to say that I suffer from anxiety and rOCD and other types of OCD and I tend to overthink and overanalyze everything. Do you think that anxiety has something to do with low sex drive? I´ve never had very high libido, though. I could easily go without masturbation for months and not even think about it.

    That’s it, I hope that some of you can answer my questions. Do you think I might be lesbian? Because usually I feel like I´m not but sometimes I tend to think ‘What if?’ and it gives me a horrible feeling and a stomachache. Am I with the wrong sex? How do I know? I don´t want to break up with my bf to find out, either. I feel like I have romantic attraction towards men but not that high sexual attraction to them, but then again maybe my anxiety and OCD has something to do with that? I´m such a mess, I really need help!
     
  2. mangopassion

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Finland
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Anyone please?
     
  3. alpet

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2013
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi..If you feel aroused enough by your bf, then you can get fully sexual with him. Just go with the flow, and be sincere to yourself and your partner.
     
  4. Markoso

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2013
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Central Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Mangopassion, from what you've written I'd say that you're bisexual, perhaps even more leaning to the homosexual side of sexuality spectrum. I would suggest you to be bold and explore more extensively the lesbian dimension of your sexuality. Because only then you will know for sure!

    And definitely, you should see a therapist in order to tackle OCD which can really mess up anyone's life.
     
  5. mangopassion

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Finland
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Thank you for the replies! Is anyone else going through similar things?