I am a 27-year old woman, I have a boyfriend and I always thought I was straight. But for a year or so, I have been seriously questioning my sexuality, and it is driving me crazy. My boyfriend is amazing, he makes me happy and I spend a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to have his babies and grow old with him. The sex is good, but I am not really turned on by looking at his body. It turns me on when he touches me and talks dirty to me. I have been in some relationships that just didn't feel right, but this has felt natural and amazing from the beginning I have allways had sexual fantasies about men, and the first sexual feelings I remember having was when I was a teenager chatting with guys online about sex and imagining what it would be like to be with them in real life. Looking at naked men does not really turn me on, so I just thought I was not the kind of person who was not really turned on by visual stimulation but by the emotional aspects of sexual situations. But lately I have discovered that it turns me on to look at naked women, and I have started noticing women on the street. I have been attracted to some women and some men while in my current relationship, but the attraction feels different. At one point there was a man I kept fantasizing about, and I some times though about him when I had sex with my boyfriend. At one point there was a woman from work I felt really attracted to when I was near her, but the attraction only felt physical, not emotional Before I met my boyfriend, I have only been with men, and it usually feels good. When I was younger, I kissed my female friends just to try it, and I don't remember feeling anything. So right now I feel like I am visually turned on by women, turned on by men's personalities (especially men who are sort of strong and dominant), and emotionally attracted to men. It feels confusing and I dont really know who I am any more. One more problem is, I have never had an orgasm, not even om my own, even though I have often fantasized about sec and touched myself. Some times it feels like I am almost there, and I always figured that it will happen when it happens and I will not not be stressed out about it. But now I am confused and thinking that I might be a lesbian in denial, but then why don't I ever fantasize about women? And why have I never ever had romantic feelings for a woman? I love my boyfriend and I feel like I want to be with him all the time, and from the beginning of our relationship things have felt so great and he has lit up my life. I don't want to leave him and expirament, and I don't want to be with any other people. But I am afriad of hurting him somewhere down the line if I don't figure this out. I don't ever want to hurt his feelings and want to make him happy all the time, because he really deserves that.
I´ve read that many straight women do not turn on just by looking photos of naked men. I can really relate your post, I feel the same way and I´m questioning, too. Right now I consider myself as a bisexual but I´m not sure because I´ve never been with a woman. Bisexuality is hard to define because there is romantic and sexual attraction which are quite different, tbh. It is quite common to not be 100% straight or 100% gay, most of the people are in the between. That gives you more options to make your life more interesting and full. If you feel great with being your bf, then it is the right thing to do. If you find out that you are bi, you can still always choose men if you want to. I don´t think you are lesbian, because you have had sexual fantasies about men and feel emotional connection towards them. You said being with your bf feels natural, it would´t if you were lesbian. I hope this helps even a little! Remember, you are not alone with those thoughts!
Thank you so much for the reply. My problem is, that for the past few months my attraction towards women has felt more powerful than my attraction to men, and my relationship with my boyfriend has felt less natural. I don't understand why because before I never, for one second, wondered whether or not I wanted to be with him. I just knew I did. We have been together for 4 years Right now I am seriously wondering if I just imagined being attracted to men. But why would I imagine fantasizing about other men while in a relationship and feeling bad about it?! Right now it feels like I don't have any attraction to men and it seriously freaks my out. I usually fantasize a lot, but for the past few months I haven't. My boyfriend can tell something is of, and he feels nervous, which makes me really sad. I feel so guilty
I think it is normal. Men actually seem to believe women get equally turned on by photos of them, like they do of us. They don't seem to understand, a girl who actively sexts with you…most likely is hoping for an emotional relationship….gaining your approval via photos of her….but thats another story. Maybe you are just bored, and all the recent "gayness" kinda makes it look fun? If he's interested. IT is actually normal to invite a female into bed. But. I don't think it works out very well (especially in todays possessive society) Maybe the whole "exotic…unnatural…and forbidden fruit" is making it oh so inciting? just don't ruin a relationship you seem to really like out of curiosity! its okay to be curious. But, if you aren't honest with your partner and only sharing your not attracted to him. Thats hurtful. Men are ego babies. Their ego and their penis and you are everything lol. (kidding) But really. Part of a relationship is talking things like this out. he's probably thinking…."at least its not that mexican guy across the street" xxoo hope you smiled. hang in there. just body parts babe!
Thank you both again. The replies have been really helpful, and for the past few days I have been feeling better. Admitting to myself that I can be attracted to women has been hard, and somehow the idea that I have to "pick a side" has been causing a lot of distress. When I was younger, I remember feeling attracted to girls a few times, being really scared and pushing to feelings away. I was afraid that I was a lesbian and I didn't want to be different. But then I would make out with boys and fantasize A LOT about it afterwards, so I sort of forgot about being attracted to women. I am struggling with accepting that I am attracted to both sexes, and it feels like different kinds of attraction, but they are definitely both sexual. I like looking at women's bodies and for some reason I really like when a man tells me what to do (in bed, not in real life).I have a strong romantic attraction towards my boyfriend. Don't know if I could feel the same way about a girl. But that is unimportant right now. Anyone going through anything similar?
