I just came acroos this forum, I thought that maybe you could help me clear my mind. Its just that, i've been atracted to guys ever since i hit puberty but, in the last couple of months, ever since I left my all-girls nun school ive lived new things. And there ir this girl for whom i care very deeply, and i think ive developed feelings for her, abd while she IS bisexual, shes got a boyfriwnd. And ive never experienced anything like this before, with girls or boys. So i tried experimenting with a friend, and we kissed, but it just felt wrong, so i brushed it aside. But yesterday, i was on a party with said friend(the one i first mentioned) and i got awfully drunk and started crying (but REALLY crying, because of stuff, but still pretty shamefull) and she conforted me so i ran to the bathroom and she followed and i kind of told her (erase kind of) and she kissed me, and i kissed her, and i dont know what to do anymore Ive been thinking of talking about this with my mother because she can be kind of relaxed but i never know how she will react to anything, and i know that, independently that the person in question is a girl, she is a girl that has plenty of troubles whom she would never aprove. Im going to see her to speak in a couple of days, and im really scared. And even if i decided to do what feels right i still feel i lack certainty: what is happening to me? Why now that im going to university, when suposedly who i am must be more clear, is that im feeling more lost? Am i lesbian, bisexual, "mostly straight" (labels ive found but cant connect with)? All this just fills me with dread. I would just be happy if anybody gave me advice.
Well, if you still experience some attraction towards guys being lesbian is kinda out of the picture, which leaves us with bisexual and questioning. You said kissing the girl you experimented at first with felt wrong, but how about your crush/ friend you care about? Did the kiss with her feel right? If so, I think it is only fair to further question your same gender attraction and maybe consider the possibility of being bisexual. The fact that you feel a late bloomer in coming to a conclusion about your sexuality shouldn't scare you. People grow up to find out new things about themselves they didn't think could be possible from the exact same reason. Experiencing opposite gender attraction you possibly unconsciously brushed off any other options. You had to meet a girl that brought your sexuality back to the table to realise you might have mistaken. That doesn't mean you haven't always noticed girls, it just means it's the first time you visibly connected with somebody. At any rate, the only person to genuinely know for sure is you. Search for the truth, it might not be that deep buried.
Agree with whats been said, very important to go with what u really feel and not force yourself to fit anyone's standard. Be open to your own sexuality and understand that it can be fluid, its completely normal to feel confused at first, almost all of us were like that, just remember to fit it into perspective not get stressed out. It took me years to figure out my orientation so dont feel bad about not being 100% sure. Wish u all the best, and hope this works out fr u,
I know what you mean when you talk about the labels, you can read a lot of forums and articles, and you just don't feel that the definitions of "homosexual", "bisexual", etc., match to you, to your feelings, your thoughts or (in my case) your beliefs. Don't be scared, don't be afraid. Starting the university doesn't mean that all your life is in order and you must be sure 100% about what you want. Is the time to try new things, to discover yourself, to surprise yourself. I just finished my studies in university and just 1 year ago I defined myself like gay. Be brave, I can promise you that time will set things on their place, meanwhile, enjoy! If you have a strong and good feeling, don't ignore it.
