I've been in hell for the past year. I don't know how long this has been going on, but I don't know what to believe about myself. I am a straight man, but my feelings toward men changed over the years. I have only been with one person my entire life, my wife. We started dating at 18, got married a year later, and now we're 27. She is the only woman/person I've ever kissed, dated, had sex with, or seen naked. We were religious when we first got married and were both raised by devout conservatives. I grew up hating gay people because I didn't understand. I was alone my entire childhood and in high school I wanted to be with a girl really bad, but held myself back from a combination of religious beliefs and lack of confidence. I moved to a new school my last two years of high school and quickly felt extremely attracted to the hottest girl in my class. She broke up with her boyfriend while I was on vacation two months after high school and I asked her out when I came home. She said yes and I was with the hottest woman I ever dreamed of. When we started dating, I could almost explode just from kissing her. The passion was real and still is. She got sick after a week of marriage and ended up having several chronic illnesses that put her in pain. Most days it is a miracle she can even get out of bed. As a result of not being able to have sex often, only rarely, I ended up watching too much porn. Eventually I started watching bi, trans, and even gay porn a lot. I couldn't get aroused without touching. Hopefully this isn't too graphic. I read about anal play between straight couples when we were in our 1st year and couldn't stop thinking about it, until I tried it by myself. I asked her to do it for years and she never got that excited by it. This last year I've changed to the point where I usually would rather receive anal than penetrate her. I'm really confused. I'm a very confidant man today. I spent years grieving because of her health, but I now have peace of mind and think a lot more healthy about life. I do not watch porn anymore for months now and I read that too much porn can confuse people, but guys are looking hot to me. I've never gotten hard from seeing a man like I have from seeing boobs. But I really want to experiment and I don't know why. A few years ago she bought us a strapon for xmas. My wife likes doing role reversal in bed but she is lucky if she can keep it up for 2 minutes without getting worn out bc she is sick. I have told her everything and the day before my 27th birthday I admitted to her and myself that I'm a lot more gay than I previously said. She was completely cool about it. I still like sex with her, and I love boobs. I love women and I know I'm happy with my wife. I want to say I'm mostly straight, but I dont know if I'm actually bi or if I could have a relationship with men. I want to have sex with men, but I don't know what this means. Please help. Is my orientation changing or am I just questioning? I don't remember ever being attracted to men, except once in high school a guy touched my shoulder and I thought to myself I would be gay for him. But this last year, I keep fantasizing about pleasuring men and giving myself up to them. I remember being incredibly attracted to only women and now I am trying to honestly look at men and its fun.
Or maybe should I just ask, if I can't stop thinking about sex with men and I don't watch porn. Does that mean anything? I'm freaking out because I think I'm changing, but I don't know if this is real. Can people confuse themselves from watching too much porn? Am I in denial?
I think you might possibly be bi. You might not be, though. It's kind of hard to tell. I understand that questioning one's sexuality is tough. It really drains a person sometimes. (*hug*)
Yes I believe for some people, like myself, sexual orientation isn't fixed. By accepting I'm not 100 percent straight I admit I'm "queer" but I actually don't believe labels are helpful to everyone. I think you should just be who you are and accept for you that it's possible to be attracted to some men from time to time. It's great that your wife seems to be understanding of this. I can go through months of being sexually attracted to women and what stops me forming relationships with a woman is that I am emotionally attracted to a certain man at that time also (but not necessarily sexually attracted). For me the emotional attraction is far more important than the sexual attraction. If I like a guy sexually then it's usually secondary to me getting to know him as a good friend first and falling in love with his personality. Or I might have a period in time when I'm not really looking at women at all and I feel more toward the gay end of the spectrum, or vice versa. Society, I feel, finds it hard to understand this - or bisexuality as a whole - because it doesn't fit neatly into a box. For me it often leads to periods of depression and self doubt. I'd like for that to change. I'm still unsure exactly of who I am but I am slowly starting to accept that I am "fluid" and generally attracted to nice personalities, regardless of gender (although, as I said, I don't feel labels are that helpful personally). If you are confident, as you say you are, then perhaps you can take joy in your awakening toward a slightly different orientation in recent times and celebrate who you are in this moment in time.
Does orientation change? I don't think so. What does change is acceptance and appreciation of who you are.
Feelings can evolve over time, especially considering Kinsey said about 80% of people are bisexual. It's a very tricky, and touchy, subject. For yourself, you may just be coming to terms with it late. Then again, if you still like being with women... I personally have spells where for a week or two, I'll want to be with guys mostly, then the opposite may be true for a month. Frustrating though it may be, that's life.
You know what, I'm going to say I'm bisexual. I went to the gym yesterday and decided screw it. I found myself checking everyone out. This felt different than anything I've ever done. I know I love my best friend and I would happily be with him, but I also know I love my wife. The only confusing thing now is what to do, because we're monogamous, but I really want to experiment. She's pretty chill and she also has similar feelings but is just curious. She says she'd turn for Ruby Rose, but who wouldn't. Anyways, I drove home from the gym yesterday, turned on some music, and smiled because my heart is content right now and I feel extremely happy.
That's awesome news. For me, the idea of a sexual relationship with men always turned me on, but it wasn't until I actually *accepted* that I was bi, and started to talk to people and do some research about it (gay friends, this site, general internet info) that I started to be more comfortable with who I am. And somehow that gave me permission to feel comfortable checking out guys, and the idea of being in a relationship with one. I had in the past discussed being bi with my ex-wife, but nothing gave me acceptance more than chatting to other gay/bi guys about it...
pretty much. these days I'm only really interested in men but it's simpler to just say bi since I flip flop so often.
