First off I wanna say, I'm not asexual. I like the idea of sexual pleasure, but it only gets me going when I'm in the right mood. In which, I'm hardly ever in the right mood. But when I am, the fantasy feels like heaven. I believe you can connect with your partner during intimacy, but... I don't really believe it's the HIGHEST form of intimacy. To me, sex is just an activity, a game. A way to feel good. And it has the potential to be good in a relationship, because who doesn't want to make their partner feel good? But like I said, I don't really care about it. It's really hard to get myself in the right mood. And to be honest, I don't find myself getting sexually attracted to a lot of people. Like, I'll see hot/cute people, and sometimes I'd think they'd look like fun. But never does that attraction make me want to pursue a full-on romantic relationship with them, but it would still be fun to mess with them? I don't think sex is important at all. I could go years without it, honestly. I think a you could have a wonderful relationship without sex at all (or at least not often.) It's just a fun thing to do. That's that. But the over-glorifying of sex alienates me so much... I don't believe sex is the reason you pursue a relationship. An emotional connection is what drives me to love someone. If they have good looks, that's a bonus. Everybody saying how amazing drives me insane. Their reasons as to why make me agree with them, but at the same time I'm here like: "It's just sex.." People say it ALWAYS has to be part of a relationship. I can still love someone without touching them sexually, like please. But then the whole LGBT+ community just spouts out how IMPORTANT and SPECIAL and NESSECARY it is, and I feel even more alone because Im the only lesbian who cares about romance more than sex!!! I feel unconfident about relationships now because, if I get a girlfriend someday and she wants sex all the time, it's going to be really annoying- im not in the mood most of the time, and I'm afraid she'll care more about physicality than what really matters- the emotional part. What if I lose a good emotional connection because I can't please a woman sexually? What if I can't have a good relationship with a woman at all cause of this? Love and lust are usually very disconnected for me, as I'll be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted, and sexual desires won't have an actual emotional competent to it. I already said Im not asexual (or at least I dont think I am) but seeing what everyone else says about it, Im feeling alone and broken, and wondering if a purely romantic relationship is whats best for me. Help?
You're not the only lesbian who feels this way. I relate to some of it. I do think sex has a bit of an emotional component in my case, but It's not 100% needed. I have no obsession with it and never have.
As far as I know, most women care much more about intimacy than the physical act of sex. I know that I pretty much feel exactly the same as you do and I'm sure that many others do. I think the over emphasis on sex as the main form of intimacy probably comes from a society that mostly views life from the perspective of men. You aren't alone and I'm sure you will find a partner that sees things in a similar way as you do. (*hug*)
I relate to a lot of what you just said, and being at the age where it seems like the only thing everybody else cares about is sex; it can definitely be alienating.
