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Why now? Why so confusing???

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Unsure101, Jul 11, 2016.

  1. Unsure101

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2016
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Chattanooga
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    As many other females in here, I've been brought up to "want the perfect husband!"
    I'm Jewish, and my Mom wants me to marry the Jewish Doctor to be rich!
    Well, I dated a handful of men. The first was more "Oh my god someone likes me!" Second? I was new and he was giving me attention. We married but I was never really sexually attracted to him. I cared for him, we have a child, but we divorced as he was never satisfied with me and was abusive. I dated a guy after but we never had sex, he wanted to but it just didn't feel 'right' so to speak. Yeah, I think some guys are cute but never really sexually attracted to them.
    I started teaching at a new school and this woman saw me and was infatuated me from day one. I saw her once or twice a week (She teaches related arts, I teach special ed), and out of the blue she texts me (secretary sent out a master list with everyone's numbers). So we start texting. I started thinking about her, and being around her started giving me butterflies. A mutual friend/teacher at the school noticed the RA teacher had a crush on me, I denied any feelings but always had a giant smile on my face. We started texting more and more, she started to come see me every morning and every afternoon. We text all the time and have started to hang out. She made the first move and kissed me. It was passionate, full of desire, full of fireworks. I mean, I even felt it in my knees! (it's a saying, sorry if it's confusing).
    I have NEVER been turned on like that in my life. She is, what she describes, a soft butch. I'm not even 30, she is 50. She is always in my mind, I have thoughts that I never would have ever imagined! I never pictured my self falling in love with a woman, but I think I am.
    I just don't know what to think. I don't know what about her I desire. Getting her messages in the morning just to say "Drinking coffee and thinking of you. Hope you slept well" make my heart skip a beat.
    She tells me that this feels so right to her, and she is in love with my daughter. My daughter has been in the hospital for tests several times and she is ALWAYS there. No one else comes but her.
    I don't know. I'm just so confused. Reading this back to my self makes me think I am a lesbian, or Bi. I just have trouble believing it. I really don't know what to think. I am SO confused!
    Also, she has a girlfriend. the girlfriend is not gay and they have a promise ring. They live together but never do anything together or talk. She is always out with her friends and they only eat together once in a blue moon. I'm also afraid I might be a rebound. I didn't start acknowledging feelings till May, after talking for about 5.5 months almost 6.
    I really don't know what to think of my self!!
    When I read erotic stories, it's typically girl themed. I don't watch porn. When I was at a concert recently a friend asked me what I thought of the guitar player. He was cute, but that was it.
    I've been on blind dates with men and have never felt anything. I've talked to men via text and never have as much to talk about as with her.
    Can anyone help me sort my random thoughts out? Help please!?!?!?!