I know that sexuality isn't a simple topic, but this is getting ridiculous. I've been in a state of perpetual confusion ever since I turned twelve. I'm tired of people asking me what my orientation is and my answer being "I have no clue". Here's the deal: the other day I thought that I would find out for real. I set myself a task, imagine the perfect boy for me and imagine the perfect girl for me (I understand that sex and gender are far more complex than just boy and girl, but I decided to start off like this, just to see). The perfect boy is tall, slim, soft-spoken and feminine. I would love him, but I could never imagine us having sex, despite having an intimate (hugging, snuggling, showering together etc) relationship. Now, I imagine the perfect girl. She is outgoing, outspoken, with dyed hair and an adventurous attitude to life. I can imagine us having A LOT of sex. Yet, I am less romantically attracted to her. I ended up feeling more confused than when I started. I can't be the only person in the world with this problem, but that doesn't make me feel any more sure. Maybe I am a very confused straight person? Or just gay? Sexually attracted to women, romantically attracted to men? This is getting painful.
It sounds to me like your sexual and romantic orientations are clashing here, and that's what's confusing you. I believe that you may be a heteroromantic homosexual-- romantically attracted to the opposite sex, while sexually attracted to the same sex. It's not uncommon for romantic and sexual orientations to differ-- I like to consider myself a panromantic homosexual, but it's just easier to tell everyone I'm a lesbian (not that I've told anybody in real life yet though :lol. As to who you might want to take as a partner, that's completely up to you. If you prioritize an emotional connection over a sexual one, you might want to settle down with the opposite sex, or vice versa. Just take some time, and you'll figure things out-- there's no rush. And eventually you'll find someone who makes you happy.
I know we all like a label to cover ourselves but if your not sure or you lie somewhere in the middle then you can alway use a broader label for general conversations. Something like bisexual or even just not straight. Heterosexual homoromatic is great if you want to go with it but I imagine you would have to explain it to most people and half of them still wouldn't get it so it depends how much detail you want to go into. My best advice would be to get out there meets lots of different people, male and female and wait to see who takes your fancy.
Thanks for replying guys! I think what you both said sums it up. I wish I had a clear label like "Gay" or "Bi" or "Straight". I suppose "Bi" is best, or maybe even pan? if Pan means all then I'm up for that. Or maybe its just been a problem for me because I don't talk to many guys. I grew up in an all girls school with all female friends, and I'm only just joining a sixth form with guys in. So I'll see how that turns out. I suppose I will end up dating more guys as I find them more romantically attractive, which I would prioritise. But I think overall I like women more, and because of what I said earlier, I'm more comfortable around women. UGH sexuality is so hard, I hate being in the middle.
