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Confused and lost

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by stressball, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. stressball

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    Hi everyone, took me awhile to finally make an effort to write this so here goes...

    Just a bit of info on myself, I'm an Asian male in my late 20s who grew up in a household with very traditional Asian mindsets. I've recently been going through a lot of struggles with what my sexual orientation is and have come to the conclusion that I have an attraction to the same sex, yet I'm still hesitant to fully accept it.

    Since I was little, I've vaguely knew I was interested in men but I've dismissed those feelings and have always convinced myself that it's "just a phase". I can recall that there were a few girls where I've had strong feelings for and I've had a few girlfriends as well. Apart from kissing, I admit that I've never had the desire to engage in any sexual activities with them. This may also be because I've never dated anyone long enough to perhaps get to that stage, but I do picture myself to one day get married to a woman and have kids.

    In the past few years of my life, I've moved out of home to study and gained a lot more freedom. I've met up with many guys secretly to "explore" and it was always just physical for me. It wasn't until I met this guy, who I think I may have developed feelings for, that I decided I need to stop and really assess myself. I'm extremely frustrated with myself because I feel like I've dug myself a hole too deep that I can't see myself climb out of. I know from my "exploring" that I can have physical and possibly emotional attachments to men, but for some reason I'm not completely convinced that I don't like women due to my inexperience with them. Like I've said, I can picture myself dating and marrying a woman and possibly develop romantic feelings for them, but I don't get the same physical urge for them sexually as I do for men.

    I'm at a point where I'm really confused about myself and don't know what to do. I know for a fact that my parents won't be accepting since they're extremely homophobic and have strict traditional values, none of my family and friends know, and I'm just stuck with myself getting more and more stressed. What do you guys think? Has anyone been through the same experiences before? Any advice is appreciated, thanks.
     
  2. stressball

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    Bump.
    Any help please?
     
  3. questions4ever

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    Hey first of all don't stress it few people are lucky enough to just know their orientation. You sound like you're definitely not straight. Perhaps you fall under the bisexual/pansexual umbrella? Perhaps you lean towards guys (look at the Kinsey scale). Or maybe you're homosexual biromantic. There's a lot of options to explore. And of course you don't need a label - love is love after all. :slight_smile:
     
  4. stressball

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    Thanks for the reply, I wish I had people like you in my life that I can share this with..

    I understand that you don't need to have a label and I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I definitely have an attraction to the same sex, which unfortunately frustrates/scares me. I hate myself for feeling like this because I have nothing against queer people.

    It seems like such a trivial matter that it shouldn't matter who you love, but I'm at a point where I can't imagine a future with anyone because I can't figure out myself. How do I become certain that I'm not solely attracted to one sex? Can I tell by just my fantasies? I feel like there are periods where I occasionally get "turned on" by the opposite sex, but the same sex definitely produces a stronger reaction. Am I mistaking attraction for liking someone that's more in a sense of liking/loving someone like a friend or is it genuine attraction? My heads completely numb from these constant thoughts that I can't focus :frowning2: