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Super confused... again

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dungeon, Jul 14, 2016.

  1. Dungeon

    Regular Member

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    So this post is the 3rd thread I have posted and I had finally thought that I had found out my orientation. Turns out, I am still questioning. :confused:

    So, in the first maybe 12 years of my life, I had thought I was straight. Then after some boy had touched me in class (not even in a sexual way) I realized how much I liked it. In fact, I don't think I would have even enjoyed the contact as much as I had if a girl had touched me. After a little while I had realized I was bi. Cool, right? No. After that I pretty much just got more and more gay (not a bad thing, I was actually kinda hoping this would happen. Long story short, I say bi but my orientation would actually be homo-romantic bisexual but hetero-amorous. Pretty hard to explain right?). So I was like "Cool, finally I will be able to say that I am simply gay." So, I have only come out to two people, and one of them was a boy that I have a big crush on. So, I tell him I am gay. He didn't mind, but I was hoping he was gay to because I like him, and then I find that he is asexual. So nothing happened. lol
    I have accepted the fact that I am bi and lean more towards the gay side. That's fine with me. The problem I am having now is that I am starting to feel more straight (or at least what I think is straight). What I am talking about is how I respond to boys and girls. If a girl approaches me and asks me a question, I blush and get really awkward. This doesn't happen with ANY guys. So, what I am trying to say is that even if a sexually attractive guy approaches me, it still isn't awkward at all. If a sexually attractive girl approaches me, it is super hard for me to talk to her. I still feel gay, but these kinds of things really confuse me.
    When you are attracted to someone, shouldn't it be awkward to be around them? That's what I thought, but that doesn't happen to me with any guys. I even try to be more manly and though to impress girls (I think that is what is happening... I do it subconsciously, but consciously notice it). I sometimes do this around guys, but hardly ever.

    So, I am sorry if this didn't make any sense. Pretty much, I think that I am gay. (at least romantically, not sexually.) If I got to go on a romantic date and then afterword watch a movie and cuddle, (no sex though) I would rather do it with a guy. I love the feeling of touching guys and them touching me. Now, if I were to do this with a girl, I would rather not. But, it would be super awkward. Now, sex. If someone gave me two people, a girl and a guy, and said that you have to lose your virginity to one of them, I would choose the guy. I love the though of boobs and vaginas and everything. The female body is super hot to me, and I would love to have sex with one, but it would be super awkward and I don't know if I could do it even if I were given the chance. In all honesty, physically, girls are more appealing to me. Especially if they are nude. But the thought of cuddling and then having sex with a women is just weird to me (I don't mean that its weird because of the fact that they have vaginas and stuff. Like I already said, I don't have a problem with that and I actually think it is pretty hot. It isn't gross to me or anything). With a guy, it just seems right. I could do all this stuff with a guy without it being awkward. This may just mean that I am gay, but what I though was that you would be uncomfortable with the gender that you are sexually attracted to. That's why I am confused. Like I already said, I am more attracted to girls, physically. Is this why I cant romantically be attracted to them because I am trying to hard to impress them sexually? I don't know.... sorry if this made no sense, I just had to get this out there. Do I sound straight and just thinking about it too hard, or actually gay? I definitely feel gay, but this kind of stuff happens to me all the time that brings me to question again.