I read some thing saying that a persons sexuality is determined around the age of 5. For the majority of my life I thought that I was straight. Right now I am 14, and at the age of 13 I started developing feelings for some guys. I didn't think much of it, but now I know for sure that I am not straight. At first I just though I was homoromantic, but now I am beginning to have sexual urges towards guys (or at least I think they are sexual). Is wanting to kiss, spoon, and cuddle with someone a sexual or romantic thing? Also, is it possible for orientation to change? Like, what I mean is I used to be straight, then I was bi, now I am mostly gay. What I am asking is was I always gay and just didn't know it or did my sexual and romantic preference actually change?
The thing about sexuality is none of it is set in stone. What I mean is orientation is a spectrum and because of this, it is perfectly possible that you've just never picked up on your urges before until now. Although, I mean if you want to put a label on things, you can just identify as queer and sort it out later (what I did.) But if you want my opinion, I think you just didn't know you were gay before now until you saw clear cut signs. But for the question at hand, neither sexual not romantic preference can totally change but there's been evidence that there is some fluidity to orientation.
If it were possible to change sexual orientation then the religious crazies, who have tried every possible ridiculous treatment in the book, would actually have success. All of the credible people in the mental health and related professions agree, and the APA dos an exhaustive study looking at over 60 years of research and came to a definitive conclusion: sexual orientation cannot be changed. It is hardwired. That said, it is also true that most people are somewhere on a spectrum rather than 100% gay or 100% straight. However, wherever they are on the spectrum appears to be pretty strongly fixed.
I'm having a similar experience to you. My whole life I didn't really give any thought to it... (I didn't know what sexuality was until I was 12 lmao) so when my friends started coming out was when I really started noticing my feelings were "changing". As others here have said, sexuality is fluid, unpredictable, and tbh I believe that yes, over time it can change. However, it could just be that you're noticing feelings that you never really knew existed. Sexuality can be such a pain in the back for some of us. ---------- Post added 16th Jul 2016 at 09:33 PM ---------- Oh! I almost forgot: Romantic and Sexual boundaries vary from person to person. Some people might consider kissing sexual, others romantic. It's more of a personal preference. Good luck!
I think sexuality can be fluid, but not something that can necessarily be changed at the drop of a hat.
This. This recognition of hardwiring is important even for human rights reasons. If it is hardwired and fundamental, it is an human right. If it could be changed, it would not be so essential. This would pose several problems for us in terms of human rights, asylum, international and internal protection. Nevertheless , Chip said it all, if sexual orientation could be changed then all the sick "reparative" therapy would have worked or could have worked
I'm reading a book by Simon Levay about the science of sexual orientation and his research corroborates what chip says.
At 14, I was (obsessively!) romantically and emotionally straight, but inexplicably - somehow became very involved with other boys. At twenty I was the definitive 100% romantically and sexually straight, macho guy. (And homophobic.) At 35; I'd shifted to being only about 90% romantically straight - and was 10% romantically/95% sexually - gay. And so on. So my advice is to just explore whatever you feel the need to - but without any guilt or shame attached - which is the only way to ever get a true picture of who you really are. For me, the "We all sit somewhere along the sexual spectrum" theory it's far too simplistic. And for every bit of "research" proving one thing, there's another proving quite the opposite. We are in fact all constantly evolving sexually and my experience is that we each have within us (as a result of both biological and environmental influences) a repertoire of minor or major "potential sexual experiences and identities in waiting" and these are triggered into action at different times in our lives. Which is why so many middle aged guys suddenly become bi/gay, not because they were previously in the closet, but simply because a whole new version of themselves has revealed itself to them. So just do as my beautiful wife reminds me to constantly;- and learn to celebrate your great good fortune in being different.
. This I agree with. Except that this isn't true in this case. I always love it when people make blanket statements like this with nothing to back it up. In this case, the APA's meta study looked at *every* credible study (and some non-credible ones) going back some 60 years. There is simply no credible research, anywhere, that supports the idea that sexual orientation changes. That may be your "experience" but please don't represent it as fact, because it isn't. What you experienced as a teen vs now is far more likely a shift in perception -- denial can be extremely powerful -- than any actual shift in orientation. Uh, no. There are many here who came out later in life and eventually figured out, as they looked back, that the signs were there all along, but their conscious denial, desire to fit in, and to please others got in the way of their true feelings. And, in fact, that is also what the research shows. This I can also agree with.
