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Have I lied to myself about being lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by flavor, Jul 17, 2016.

  1. flavor

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    I started questioning my sexuality a little less than a year ago. I suppose I was just curious, as I had recently gotten more in-depth information about the LGBT+ community. I guess I was simply interested in reading about it and hearing other people's stories. I decided I was heteroflexible. (At the time, I had a crush on a boy.) Then later, I read up more about LGBT+ terminology and figured that "bisexual" fit me better. Earlier this year, I began to have a huge crush on my female friend and any attraction to other boys was lost. Now I identify as lesbian (more or less).

    Don't get me wrong, I hadn't really told myself I was straight explicitly before all this. It was more curiosity than questioning, which leads me to think that I tried to trick myself into thinking that I was "special" or "unique." I feel ashamed of myself. Please help.
     
  2. thrashgal

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    how old are you?
     
  3. flavor

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  4. thrashgal

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    id say dont worry so much about what you are or if you did or didnt "trick" yourself into it just yet and go with the flow, youre still fairly young and its possible to change your mind about how you feel..i think when u meet who u want to be with, you will kno, whether guy or girl lol...labels only make things more confusing..as far as your curiousity, i would imagine that exploring things about the lgbt+ community could potentialy inform you about it and sortof feed your curiosity which in turn would cause you to pick pieces that correlate to you personally causing you to feel like you are a part of this community as well, maybe thats why you feel that "tricked yourself" thing..but like i said, i wouldnt worry about choosing sides or anything like that and maybe just focus on how you feel towards people instead of what you feel you ARE in yourself...perhaps when u find the person you kno u want to be with steadily then you can choose to label or whatever if you want to
     
  5. L0ser

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    It can be very confusing when you question your sexuality, and I know this might not be the best answer, it's not what I wanted to hear, but don't worry too much about labeling yourself right now. You're 14, and obviously question your sexuality. I would say don't worry about if you're tricking yourself into being "special," but instead try to analyze your feelings and decide if you want to act on any of them. If you truly like this girl, how you feel about other girls/guys, if you could see yourself dating a guy, etc.

    You can still be questioning yourself even if you identify as gay, bisexual, heteroflexible, etc. But it comes down to exploring your own thoughts and feelings, then adding a label if you wish to. Try not to worry about if you're trying to be "unique" and explore your feelings. Your feelings may change in time, or they might not, so for now just do what makes you comfortable.

    Remember that there are plenty of wonderful people on this site that can help give advice, so try not to worry about "lying" about your sexuality. (&&&)
     
  6. DragonOfNarnia

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    I was (and still am) questioning myself. From your post, it appears that you know you aren't straight but aren't sure what to identify as. Just sit yourself down and honestly ask: Am I attracted to girls? Physically/romantically/aesthetically? Then ask yourself the same question for boys. Bear in mind that having an attraction for one gender does NOT necessarily mean that your attraction for the other gender is gone. You have lots of time to figure it out, don't worry about it. Just ask yourself who you're attracted to. For me, I thought I was bi when I was 15 but recently realised that I'm not physically attracted to guys, I can differentiate between a "hot" and "not hot" guy, I can admire guys, but I don't get lady boners over them (sorry for the crudeness). Hence I concluded that I'm more likely to be gay, but I've not come to an absolute decision on how to label myself, if I should even label myself at all. You're not "tricking" yourself, you're just questioning and it's common at this age for us LGBTQ+. Good luck! :slight_smile: