1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Just imagining I'm bi?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by DRex, Jul 24, 2016.

  1. DRex

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2015
    Messages:
    125
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Phoenix, Arizona
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Ok, some background on me. I was mostly attracted to girls in my youth and believed I was straight for a long time. However, I realized a few years ago that I'd gotten aroused around my best male friend a lot and had remembered checking a guy out in a locker room at one point, and when I thought about whether I'd want to do sexual things with a guy I had to answer yes, I questioned myself for three years and concluded I was bisexual.

    I considered this at least somewhat confirmed when in 2011 I dated a non-operative trans woman and found I was fine with touching her down there, but lately I've found reasons to doubt.

    First, and I'm sure some of you were about to raise this objection, is that genitals or no, I was still dating a woman, not a man. As such, my experiences with her would not prove I was actually something other than straight. Second, I can't readily find men in general attractive the way I do with women. If I find a guy attractive, he usually has to be pretty androgynous.

    I had two physical experiences with men that are both inconclusive. I made out with both of them and really enjoyed it,but when one such experience happened today I fell into deep doubt again. I enjoyed making out with him, hugging, kissing, foreplay, etc., but when it got to actually touching him below the belt I was turned off and couldn't do it. This is despite having been fine doing the same thing with my trans girlfriend from years ago, same parts and everything. It may be because he wasn't circumcised, and that difference may have been a turn-off due to being weird and different from my perspective, though.

    All in all, I don't know. I feel like maybe I want to be bisexual and I'm trying to be, but maybe I'm really just straight and trying to be someone I'm not. I know all four of my actual relationships have been with women; now granted, two of them were trans and one of those was pre-everything, but that doesn't change the fact that they were still women. Am I really bisexual then, or am I just a straight guy looking for something that isn't there?

    (As a side note, I find that I actually do have more of an interest in trans women than cis women, which I've been rather ashamed of as that kind of desire is generally seen as a bad thing. I don't treat them as objects and I've treated the ones I was with like any other woman, but still it bothers me that I'm like this.)
     
  2. RyeTheDauphin

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2015
    Messages:
    115
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hong Kong
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Bisexuality mainly exists along a spectrum, from people who are straight but occasionally willing to experiment to gay people who have had one or two exceptions to people who like both genders equally and many many more. Also, it's entirely possible to like both genders in different ways - for example, I'm mainly romantically attracted to men but I'm exclusively sexually attracted to women.

    A few suggestions/points:
    1) The androgyny thing could just be a matter of taste. After all, there are many people who do consider it hot regardless of orientation.
    2) Just because you felt uncomfortable going 'below the belt' with a guy doesn't mean you can't like them romantically or find them attractive in other ways.
    3) Your past relationships also don't necessarily determine your orientation. I was solely into guys for two years before I had my first crush on a girl, and from talking to other bi people, it seems like it can occasionally shift. Some people like guys more sometimes and girls more at other times.
    4) If you want to look at this in more detail, I'd suggest googling the Kinsey Scale and the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. They are psychologically valid tests (though the Kinsey Scale is somewhat outdated and a bit controversial) of sexual orientation and rank it on a spectrum (1 = exclusively heterosexual, 6 = exclusively homosexual) so they could be useful for gaining a better understanding of yourself and your relationships.
    5) You don't have to feel ashamed at having a thing for trans women - there is nothing wrong with that. Heck, it wouldn't even be wrong if it was purely a sexual thing, because everybody has their preferences when it comes to relationships and sex and nobody should have to feel ashamed at that.
    6) At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I know it's cliched to say this, but whether you are bisexual, or just, to quote a comedy sketch, 'dismally straight, but horny enough not to be fussy', spending ages agonizing over labels and identity politics isn't fun for anyone. Just be yourself and do whatever (or whoever teehee) makes you happy.

    Best of luck! :grin: