When I first found out I was gay, everything felt so right, comfortable, natural, etc. I'm scared that I might not be able to say the same for myself as of now. Ever since last school year started, I had trouble seeing myself with a girl. I wanted to have a girlfriend eventually, but my thoughts, feeling and fantasies were shoved to the side. Being with a girl, as much as I want it, does not make me feel as joyful as it used to. I've been feeling empty lately so I don't know if that's the prob, but it tears my heart apart. I've been afraid I might be attracted to guys. I think it might just be overthinking pounding it into my head, as I felt nothing prior, but I may feel warm or mild arousal, but it's nothing like what feelings girls have given me. And I just feel no actual desire to do that sorta thing with a guy. I feel as though I'm AT LEAST homoflexible, but scared I might be bi.. It tears my heart apart. I still think if girls every now and then and the magic returns, but when it fades off its just gone again. I really shouldn't be worried because my last feelings weren't too long ago, but it just feels dulled down. It hurts me. Those feelings are so amazing, I want them Back. I dont feel fully like myself without them. Please just give them back to me. I'm afraid I'm in denial about this. It's similar to other denials I've had. That I may be denying Im bi. Since I started overthinking about it, I couldn't see myself with men. Just had trouble seeing myself with women as strongly as I used to. But now I'm wondering If I could be with a boy, and I just don't know if it's rightly or wrong or ugh. Imagine having the best feeling in the world taken from you and replaced with something ok, but lesser. That's how I feel. I really want help.i just want me back. But what if it was never meant to last?
I highly doubt you stopped being a lesbian (if you ever were) You certainely are a kinsey 3 (at the least) and if you ARE bisexual, why should that matter? You can still be into girls, and date a girl as a bi girl. You could be bisexual, and NEVER consider dating a guy. That said I expect your either a Kinsey 5, or a whole lesbian. You honestly say nothing that suggests you are a bi. You say you CAN'T see yourself with a guy, and you CAN see yourself with a girl (even if its not quite as "amazing" The truth is, I expect you its just not as amazing because you got used to it-- whenever we discover something new (it can be anything from our sexuality, to a good book series) its really amazing at first, or experiencing it for the first time, but after a while it just becomes a part of our life. We still like/enjoy/are excited by it, but because its become normal, there's nothing special about it anymore. I expect your fully lesbian, and never stopped being that way--the only reason its less "special" is because your used to the idea of being a lesbian.
Well if that is true, then you are probably still more attracted to girls because you think dating girls makes you happier. Even if you suddenly prefer guys more than girls and fall deeply for a guy, there is still no shame. I can't believe I am typing this but it is okay to be bi or straight. You don't need to feel you have betrayed or abandoned the lgbt community because you haven't. Lastly, I can go through a long period of time without being attracted to anyone of any gender. I am talking about 3+ years. Many reasons which I don't want to go into. But I never considered myself an asexual or aromantic.
