Struggling incredibly with my sexuality - am I a lesbian?

Hi guys, this is my first ever post, and I'm needing lots of help. I know this is extremey long, and I apologize for that, but please help. You have no idea how much I'd appreciate it. I'm 17.

Over the last year and a half, I've been questioning my sexuality, like a lot. For years and years, I assumed I was straight (and when I say "assumed," realize that I had never thought of homosexuality as a possibility) and that I'd end up marrying a boy sometime in the future and having a family. My friends would always talk about cute boys, and I would join in the conversation and agree with them like, "Oh yeah, he's cute" or "I would date him" etc... But looking back now, now that I've started to question my sexuality, I've realized that those comments were more or less forced. I didn't feel anything for these guys, and I think I was more or less just saying what my friends were saying to kind of fit in and sound normal. I had a "boyfriend," if you want to call him that, when I was 13. That was also completely forced. I had no feelings for him what-so-ever, and didn't feel a bit sad when I broke up with him after 1+ years of dating. Like I literally felt nothing. I mean he was super nice and all, but there wasn't any other connection there. I haven't had any other relationships since. Even through most of freshman year (I will be a senior in the fall) I would say I had a crush on a boy. Looking back, I'm not sure if they were real crushes, or me just identifying an attractive guy and declaring that I had a crush on him. I think it's probably the latter. It's not like I was ever forcing myself not to be gay through these crushes, because up until sophomore year, I NEVER even considered it. I have nothing against it (obviously!) it's just that I had gone through my whole life assuming I was going to marry a man (like everyone in my family and everyone I knew).

Thinking back on my life, there are some signs that I'm not straight:
1) I had the BIGGEST crush on my 4th and 5th grade teacher. Of course then, I never considered it a crush. I just really liked her, and then I would find pictures of her on Facebook and just look at them (WEIRD, I know)
2) I went to Pitch Perfect with my 8th grade boyfriend, and I was extremely attracted to the red headed actress. I would just wait for her face to show up on the screen, and I'd get excited. I remember thinking, "Is it weird that I'm more attracted to the girl on the screen than my boyfriend sitting next to me holding my hand?" Still, being gay never crossed my mind, I thought it was a fluke maybe? I'm not sure.
3) Freshman year, I watched a series on Netflix called Prison Break. I had a major crush on one of the characters named Gretchen. Even though she was a bad guy, I was crushin' on her big time. This is the first time I ever imagined having sex with someone my own gender. She was so hot!!!

It was my sophomore year that the possibility of being gay went through my head, and it has been in my head every SINGLE day since. It was around this time where I started to have crushes on girls my own age, plus several other celebrity crushes: Brandi Carlile, Laura Prepon, Jamie Alexander, January Jones... I've watched lots of videos on Youtube and stuff, and pretty much all of them say this as a determining factor: YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. This has not happened, and I can pretty much guarantee this will never happen, my friends and I just aren't like that. I mean, that's ok right? And another concern of mine: there is only a small percentage of girls I actually find attractive and could actually see myself with, while with all of the others I would find it extremely weird to be with. Is that normal?

I'm also struggling figuring out if I'm attracted to males. For the longest time I thought I was (but looking back, it seemed forced.) But the situation I'm in currently is giving me tremendous difficulties. There's this guy that's kind of chasing me. He's kind of cute, he's funny, athletic, etc... We see each other a lot because we mountain bike together for our high school team. I never thought anything of him until he started talking to me a lot. After a party, I stuck around at his house and watched OITNB with him. He put his arm around me, but nothing else really happened. It was a fine experience, like I wasn't grossed out at all, but like I'm not sure if I want anything else to happen. Like maybe I do, maybe I don't. I'm just so confused. Since then we've been texting and snap chatting a bit. If someone were to ask me if I'd rather date him or my biggest female crush (my own age), I'd say my female crush. But here's the thing - I have no idea if my girl crush is even gay, so it's not like I really could date her if I wanted to. Should I try doing things with this boy and see if it works? Or should I just mind my own business?

Is this something I should talk about with someone? I'm not close enough with many of my friends, and definitely not my parents, but do you think it would help?



Thanks so very much for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me. Even if just one person responds, I'd be unbelievably happy.

mountaingirl123