Hi all, I haven't really been active on here for a long while, but felt this was the right place to ask for advice since everyone here helped me gain the courage to come to terms with my own sexuality. I was talking to a friend of mine recently who confided in me about his discomfort over his sexuality. He is a fully out gay male and doesn't have any signs of deep seated internalized homophobia. He's proud of being gay and all. His issue is with the sex portion of it. He feels marginalized because while he is gay, he dislikes the idea of gay sex because it "too closely mimics that of heterosexual norms". He feels pressured to have sex because of "society" and how it portrays sex and dating as an all or nothing package. When he told me all this I was completely supportive and agreed with it. Firstly, I told him that not feeling comfortable with sex is not at all abnormal and that he very well may identify as homoromantic if he wants to put a label to it. I personally dislike the idea of labels since it too narrowly categorizes people and shared with him that he shouldn't be concerned with defining yourself so narrowly. Secondly, I told him that sex and dating do seem like a package deal, but he is by no means obligated to conform to that. If he is dating someone he likes and doesn't want to have sex, then the other person, if they truly care, will not fight him on it. His response was that it limits the already limited dating pool by being gay. The next day, I told him that I was proud of him for telling me all of that and that if he needs to talk about it for any reason at any time, my phone is always on. He appreciated it and thanked me. Normally, I would leave it at that. Keep an eye on him, and let him come to me. People are ready to talk when they feel they are ready. But I have been seeing signs that I think are cries for help. He suffers from panic attacks about it and told me he cries most weekends about it and goes so far as to drunkenly post it to social media (only to take it down the next morning). I, of course, asked him about it and if everything is alright to which he said that "he drunkenly cried in the shower while drinking for 2 hours" and immediately changed the subject. I asked him if he wants to talk about it and said "It's fine." In retrospect, I see that may have been more of a "I don't want to burden you with it". I worry about the guy and while I don't want to invade too much into what he may feel uncomfortable with, I feel like I need to talk to him. My question(s) for all of you is, do I reach out to him again about this even though he tells me "It's fine."? And if he does open up further, what more should I say? Thanks in advance for all of your help!
Too many labels. Too many slogans. Too political. It's about whom one is attracted to, not like joining a political party. It's all fine and well to characterize sex this way, if one wants to. Yet the red flag in your description for me is there is little there about what he feels about it. It looks more like an evaluation of how it will look on TV, in the papers, and to the neighbors. This is not a good perspective.
