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Is it bad to tell people I'm asexual?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Tre, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. Tre

    Tre
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    I know I experience some sexual attraction, but I still like to tell people I'm asexual. I don't experience sexual attraction very often, so it's not really a lie. I mainly do this because people always like to doubt my sexuality. When I say I'm gay people often ask me if I'm sure. Or they think I'm bi or going through a phase. After I got frustrated with trying to convince people I'm gay, I just told people I was bi instead. They didn't seem to realize I'm not straight for some reason. They seemed to think of me as a typical straight girl who thinks girls are pretty. Now I just tell people I'm asexual. It gets the idea that I don't want to date men across. It even makes me seem gay to some people. Way more gay than if I tried to convince them I'm gay.
     
  2. Brytaleith

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    If you don't experience sexual attraction very often, you might consider the label of "gray-asexual" (or any of its permutations). Gray-asexuality is still considered to be in the asexual spectrum, so you would be within your rights to call yourself an asexual.

    However, if you are labelling yourself as an asexual just to deter people from dating you, I will strongly insist that you do not, because in doing so, you are perpetuating the myth that asexuals are only asexual because they are unwilling/do not date, which is simply untrue. This is harmful to our community because it gives people a false impression and makes it harder for them to believe that we really do not experience sexual attraction.

    In summary, don't use the label to filter other people's reactions to you. Use it because it describes you.
     
  3. Robert

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    Who are you trying to convince? If they dont accept you for who you are, either realise that they're ignorant morons and carry on with your life or tell them to fuck off.
     
    #3 Robert, Jul 28, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2016
  4. Blood Elf

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    Simply, no, I would not tell people you're asexual if you're just using it to not get a certain group of people to date you. Asexual doesn't even mean you won't date anyone, it just means you have no sexual attraction. If you are gay, then you are gay, ignore what those people say. They're not you, they don't know how you feel and whom you are attracted to. Overtime, they will get the hint.

    Like my mom, she knows I have zero interest in sexual activity but insists on thinking it's because I have no experience, which is not the reason.
     
    #4 Blood Elf, Jul 28, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2016
  5. SHACH

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    No. If you feel you are gay, tell them you're gay and when they tell you you're not, tell them to fuck off.
     
  6. Chip

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    You are free to tell people whatever you wish, and quite frankly, your sexual orientation is no one's business unless you make it their business. So you don't owe anyone an explanation at all. If someone asks, you can respond with 'that's rude' or 'that's personal' or even 'I like unicorns.'

    Now... As for calling yourself asexual, I personally would not be in favor of that. First, it's not accurate. If we are using the widely accepted definition of asexuality, it is a hard wired orientation that cannot be changed, and means one has zero arousal or attraction to anyone. So it would be disingenuous to use that label, and it's also disrespectful to those who genuinely are asexual, as it devalues their orientation.

    It's also quite fine to say 'I'm not sure'. Bottom line is, this is entirely your choice.
     
  7. Creativemind

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    I'm a lesbian and I'm celibate. So right now I don't want to have sex with or date anyone. I still call myself a lesbian.

    If you don't truly identify as asexual, I would avoid using it. Asexuals can still have romantic attraction to men (well, some) and some men also don't care and have tried to use corrective rape against them before. I would not recommend it.