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Can denial ever be the other way around?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Sayonara, Jul 28, 2016.

  1. Sayonara

    Sayonara Guest

    Like, I hear about gay people going through denial when transitioning from straight to gay, but could it ever be the other way? Like gay people denying they may be bi/pan or even straight. I just wanted to know if it happens to anybody, cause it's a problem I'm sorta dealing with now.
     
  2. Brytaleith

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    It can definitely happen. Denial in such cases are often a product of an attachment to the label and a community, and probably a fear of being wrong or change. I think it's definitely disconcerting to realise that you were mistaken about your own identity, as well as to be confronted with the uncertainty about your position in the community which you were in (eg. an homosexual who previously thought he was asexual may wonder if he'll be as welcomed as before) so yeah, denial can happen to any sexual orientation, or even any self-adopted label.
     
  3. Sayonara

    Sayonara Guest

    So, a lesbian could possibly be in denial of being bi? Not just fear of losing the label and the community, but could they possibly still be attached to past feelings?
     
  4. awesomeyodais

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    one of many hypothetical scenarios: person is really bisexual, but early in life gets abused/assaulted/raped by someone of the opposite gender - the trauma of that experience makes them block any attraction to that gender for a long time and they "think" they're gay.
     
  5. Nightdream

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    That's possible. It happened to me. I'm still learning to deal with all of that. I had problems with the opposite sex and it led me to that. It's more common than we usually think. Have you already heard about HOCD? It happens the other way around too. Have a look.
     
  6. Sayonara

    Sayonara Guest

    So you're a lesbian turned bi? How'd you come to that conclusion?
     
  7. Nightdream

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    We can say that. I didn't know that I was bisexual, actually. I falled in love with many girls already, but couldn't stop thinking about how boys were hot as hell and even had sexual fantasies with them. I guess I should've guessed it right away. I just came to this conclusion because I happen to feel attracted to males and females. Not in the same way, but that's probably common with bi newbies. I was afraid of being straight just like you. I'm not saying that you are bi, it's just that it happened to me and it can happen to anyone.
     
  8. Sayonara

    Sayonara Guest

    Huh. I can find guys good looking, but I've only found one hot, and that was only recently. I didn't even want to do anything of that sort with him. Yuck.

    As for fantasies? I've had fantasies of both, but girls are much more frequent and enjoyable.

    I guess it's less of me having an attraction and more of me worrying,"what if you can be?" I thought more and more and only after thinking so much over and over did things seem like maybe it would 'work.' But I just don't think it can be as fulfilling as girls are haha :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: then my mind goes off rambling again. Maybe it would be easier to call myself bi but I don't know if that's actually right, because if I were bi I'd think I'd legit love the idea of being with a guy- except it's really more of an indifferent/neutral/okay feeling. It only seems heightened during anxiety.
     
  9. YuriBunny

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    To me it sounds like you are a lesbian. Maybe a Kinsey 5, but a lesbian nonetheless.

    It just sounds like you are overanalyzing things because you like being a lesbian and you don't want it to change. But I've read some of your other posts, and nothing I've seen seems to indicate that you are bi.

    (*hug*)
     
  10. Nightdream

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    To be honest, it took me three years of feeling disgust over having attraction to boys. Let alone doing anything sexual with them. Just because you are bisexual, it doesn't mean you'll love the idea right away. Many lesbian/gay people say that feeling disgusted by the opposite sex was a sign that they had no attraction to them. Well, it might be true to many people, but it wasn't for me. I thought men looked good, had many celebrity crushes on them and even masturbated to them. I felt bad for doing so though.

    With the labels. I and many others had problems with it. My suggestion is to not change your sexual orientation to bisexual so soon. You should first verify if you feel comfortable with it and believe that it fits you. Actually, worrying about labels can make your "figuring out" stage take a very long time. So, don't worry to much about it. See if things might work with guys. If it doesn't, you can keep the lesbian orientation. If it does, it's up to you to decide if changing the orientation you chosen will work for you.
     
  11. YuriBunny

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    This. Worrying about it is definitely not helping you figure it out. You can't think logically when you're freaking out.
     
  12. Sayonara

    Sayonara Guest

    I think bisexual feels fine. :slight_smile: but so does lesbian. I'm currently only open to the idea of romantic feelings for guys (but still feel somewhat indifferent to it.) I guess they're bulky so maybe they'd be good huggers/cuddlers, and the idea of being taken care of doesn't feel bad. But I can get that from girls too. But I'll take your advice. Thank you.

    ---------- Post added 28th Jul 2016 at 05:58 PM ----------

    Yep. That's exactly the problem XD
     
    #12 Sayonara, Jul 28, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2016