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Considering sleeping with a man as a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Uncolored, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. Uncolored

    Regular Member

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    I have been going to a nude beach all summer and have loved the liberation. In the process I also made a lot of guy friends at the beach who have been very straight forward to me and I haven't minded it, actually I kind of like it.
    I have seen a lot of penises and they do not particularly turn me on but I have spoken and befriended a few guys who I actually find attractive. I find them more attractive the more I speak to them.
    I was on the beach yesterday with one of my guy friends (who is quite gifted in a few departments *cough this is a nude beach cough*) and we were talking about sex and masturbation and he asked me a lot of curious questions about being a lesbian and my sexuality. I was totally okay with it. He kind of admitted that he would sleep with me casually although he didn't admit it directly. He knows I am a lesbian. I told him that I like to flirt with guys and that I had met an attractive guy at the beach a few weeks ago whom I had an... interesting time with. I made out with this other dude on the beach... in the nude... a few weeks ago out of curiosity and I was pretty attracted to him. I sort of passed up the guy who I made out with because I was completely confused because I am looking for a GIRLFRIEND and desire that a lot. I didn't want to confuse myself more by going out with him.
    After yesterday I am suddenly really horny to try it with a guy. I have never done that before. I am really tempted to reach out to the guy who I made out with a few weeks ago. I could sleep with him if I wanted to. This is against everything I thought I would ever want to do... sleep with a dude casually for a first time... or even let it turn into a relationship. I am at a loss. I identify as a LESBIAN and I like identifying as such. I finally became comfortable with it and I like the label, I think it fits me well. I'm probably 90% gay and I can make exceptions. I do not want to hit reverse and identify as bisexual. A lot of my coworkers and friends know I am a lesbian and I don't want to confuse them if I sleep with a man. Maybe I could hide it, but that isn't being honest with myself.
    The whole thing confuses me. :confused:
    Sleep with a dude? Not sleep with a dude? Confuse myself more if I like it?
     
  2. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

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    There is a difference between dating and a causal encounter or just hooking up to try it. One being serious and more long term while the other is just for a single night. That probably doesn't help your confusion though. Which admittedly I don't think I can help with since I am bi... A nude beach would likely not be enjoyable to me or just embarrassing.

    I am not sure how trying it and hiding it from your friends and coworkers would not be honest with yourself. To me if the curiosity is there, trying it would be, being honest with yourself. It is not like you have to tell them every detail about your sex life.

    Also it could be that your are attracted to them from a psychological standpoint instead of a physical one. It could be you just like who they are as a person and how they treat you as a person. Intelligence can be and is attractive. Personally I find smart people more attractive. The whole nude beach thing might be the confusing part, I would have a hard time not looking at well endowed guy and thinking about it.

    My suggestion is if you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Don't force yourself to try something just because. If you do feel comfortable, maybe give it a shot....

    That is just my opinion on it. Its hard to really see it from your perspective being a different gender and orientation. The important part is that you are safe and comfortable with the decision either way.
     
  3. Uncolored

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    Thanks Shorthaul I found this helpful to read.
    I understand that there is a big difference between hooking up and dating someone. I think the thing that makes me nervous is that I am not sure what this guy is looking for. I find him attractive in all aspects and I think that because I liked the attention when talking to him, and our interests and careers match up well, I find him more attractive because of it. His intelligence and honesty is definitely a factor. Both are natural turn ons for me. I was also talking to a friend earlier who said that this could be my maternal instinct kicking in, that I have a sudden natural urge to reproduce and this is the result. Which makes sense because I remember thinking about how beautiful our babies would be if we made them (you can laugh at that).

    If it becomes a relationship, which it has the potential to, I am worried about having to share that with people who I already came out to. I guess I will have to put that thought on the backburner. He has almost every quality and interest that I was looking for in a partner. If he was a she this would be a lot easier for me.

    I am going to go on a date with him. I reached out to him earlier today and he is excited. I am going to find out what he wants and communicate with him - I think he is looking more for a friend with benefits, which is perfectly fine for me since I don't know what I want. When we met I told him that I was bi (to cover up the fact that I thought - and still identify as a lesbian). It shouldn't be hard introducing that further with him.

    I am going to take your advice and only do it if I am comfortable with it. I will see how I feel after our first date.