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Seriously, who am I?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Mifora, Aug 1, 2016.

  1. Mifora

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    I have been really confused about my sexuality lately and feel like a could really use a label soon. A part of me feel like I am bi, and I sort of like that label, but maybe I am just a lesbian in denial. Sorry for the long post. If anyone has the time to read it I am so grateful.

    Growing up I had sexual thoughts and fantasies about boys all the time, but I was attracted to girls a few times as well. I remember a female friend touching my thighs and it felt fantastic. It 15 I met my first boyfriend, we held hands and kissed and it felt so great, but we never had sex because I was too scared it would hurt.

    I remember noticing girls in the streets over the years and looking at their bodies, but I sort of repressed it, and all my sexual fantasies were about men that I knew, so I always thought I was straight. I have drunkenly made out with my female friends a few times, but it didn't feel that great and I didn't think much about it.

    In my early 20s I had a bad time and had sex with way to many men, which I always regretted afterwards. I had a few relationships with men that meant something, too, and sometimes I would think and fantasize about the sex afterwards. At 23 I fell in love with an amazing man, thought about him all the time and just wanted to be around him. It became a long term relationship, and it always felt good, but I feel like he enjoyed the sex more than I did.

    A year ago I had a crush on a female work friend, got butterflies when I was near her and so on. I was still in love with my boyfriend, but my feelings for here were very physical and very strong. Nothing happened, but since then I have been thinking about girls A LOT, and my sexual feelings for my partner have become less strong which kind of scares me.

    So I feel like I have the ability to be attracted to both men and women, which I feel good about, and I want to tell people that I am bi. What is holding me back is this:

    - I notice goodlooking men and women, but I don't look at them in the same way. I tend to look at men's faces and women's bodies. I feel like looking at women's bodies turn me on more than looking at male bodies, but I am really sexually attracted to certain men's personalities. I am pretty sure that it really is sexual attraction, because a when I meet a man with a confident personality, I sometimes picture what it would be like to touch his body and I think about I sex with him. But I am not really attracted to specify body parts the way I am with women.

    - I have never had strong romantic feelings about a woman. I am pretty sure that it could happen, it just never has. So even though I am sure that I am sexually attracted to women, I don't know if I am romantically attracted to them. I try to imagine having a relationship with a women and I just feel like "well I already have female friends, so what is the point". But it might just be because the thought is so knew to me.

    This is really confusing and I appreciate if anyone took the time to read it!! Thanks.
     
  2. questions4ever

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    You can be bisexual and still be attracted to men and women in different ways. It's possible that you are biromantic homosexual or homoromantic bisexual. But from what you've said I would count you as just bisexual. Hope this helped some :slight_smile:
     
  3. HappyGirlLucky

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    I can find men's faces aesthetically pleasing so I tend to look at their faces too. Whereas I look at women's bodies and faces equally, but it is still more important that I like their face than their body when it comes to who I am attracted to. I am more attracted to a woman's personality than her body which I guess is why the face is more important to me. Perhaps this is how it is for you with men too?

    How do you feel when you think about sex with men you have met in real life? For me that is not a happy thought, but I know some gay women are just indifferent to it. If you like it and would actually like doing it, it sounds like it is probably real sexual attraction. Straight sex is often better for men than it is for women even when there is mutual attraction, simply because men don't know what they are doing and think penetration is enough for women too. A lot of women go through life without having even a single orgasm from sex with their men, so perhaps that is why you did not enjoy it so much with that guy?

    What does romantic feelings mean to you? Are you sure you did not have them for your friend at work? The butterflies etc sounds like more than just sexual attraction to me, but we might have different definitions for it.
     
    #3 HappyGirlLucky, Aug 1, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2016
  4. Mifora

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    Thanks for posting! When I think about sex with men I have met in real life it is definitely a happy thought. Sometimes I think about the sex I have actually had with men in and it feels exciting, so I guess it is real sexual attraction. Thinking about sex or sexual contact with women feels great, too, and I am pretty sure I could enjoy both.

    I guess the reason I do not think my feelings for my work friend is romantic attraction is that I didn't think that much about her when she wasn't around except for the sexual thoughts, and I never felt jealous of the fact that she was in a relationship. I didn't miss her when she wasn't around. I was in a relationship at the time, so I did not want those feelings to evolve into actual romantic feelings, but I guess they could have - does that make sense? .I have had those kind of feelings for a male friend too, and I guess I am just the kind of person who can have small crushes on other people when I'm in a relationship, but I would never act on it.

    I never felt completely wrong identifying is straight, but I never felt completely right either. Makes sense if I was repressing some of my attractions but not all of them.
     
  5. HappyGirlLucky

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    Yes, that makes total sense and it sounds like you are bisexual. :slight_smile: It also totally does make sense what you described about your work friend. I am a monogamous person and while I can get crushes while in a relationship they do not grow out of control because I do not even entertain them the way I might when single. So I guess maybe there could have been romantic feelings if things had been different for you.