Um, hi. So. I think I'm having a bit of a crisis? I mean. For the longest time I thought I was straight? I liked boys and that was that. But in the past year or so, I've been. Noticing. Girls a lot. And it makes me feel so weird. I don't like it at all, actually. And I can't talk about it with people in real life because in south texas you get disowned for this kind of thing. Recently, I started feeling things towards a close friend of mine. And I really liked being friends. But when I started feeling attraction I just stopped talking to her. I don't know what to do with it. It makes me feel gross. And when I think about it, I get shaky and sweaty and my stomach gets queasy and I feel like I'm not normal. Like I did something wrong? About a month ago, a friend and I were at the mall and there was a gay couple. They were holding hands and generally acting like a couple acts. And I felt jealous that they knew what they were and I dont. My friend said they were gross and against god. I don't believe in god, so that didn't affect me. But when she said she thought homosexuality was gross, I went home and cried. I don't even know why I was crying! I don't know what's happening!! It kind of scares me! I still think boys are cute but, I just, wish I didn't feel things towards girls. It makes me angry at myself. How am I supposed to deal with this?
You may in fact be bi/lesbian. That is ok! It's not gross at all or against God for that matter. Internalized homophobia is real (trust me I too have had to deal with it as well as friends who think it's gross). Try to figure yourself out. You may have to really wait to explore until college if you think your parents would throw you out. Try to test the water with some friends and see whether they would be supportive by bringing up the topic. You need someone on your side. This website is extremely helpful - feel free to message me anytime. ---------- Post added 1st Aug 2016 at 05:08 AM ---------- You may in fact be bi/lesbian. That is ok! It's not gross at all or against God for that matter. Internalized homophobia is real (trust me I too have had to deal with it as well as friends who think it's gross). Try to figure yourself out. You may have to really wait to explore until college if you think your parents would throw you out. Try to test the water with some friends and see whether they would be supportive by bringing up the topic. You need someone on your side. This website is extremely helpful - feel free to message me anytime.
Knowing your age or age range at least would help quite a bit, it's perfectly fine to have these feelings, there normal(even in Texas) like you said people get disowned down there for these things. So it's not something you probably hear about. We have members here, from much more dangerous places to be lgbt then Texas. There's nothing wrong with the feelings your having, no need to be angry at yourself. I would suggest caution, if there is no one IRL you can speak to, then post here!!! we will be happy to help (&&&)
Sure. I'm in highschool, so I'm still completely dependant on my parents and I'm really not looking to be kicked out, you know? I really don't know what's going on? For a long time I sort of just ignored it, and it worked, until someone would say something and I would just get hit with a big wave of self loathing. It's just....when I think about the fact that I'm feeling things towards other girls it makes me feel a bit angry. Like maybe if I try harder it can go away. Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. So I tried not to but it's just making me upset so I figured, hey, why not go talk to people with similar experiences, you know? I'm honestly still kind of hoping it's a weird phase. If I ever have to tell my parents they're going to freak out.....I'm posting from my phone because I'm scared if I go on the computer they'll find it.
