I apologize in advance for the lack of clarity and flow of my post. I am currently in a beautiful long term two year relationship with a guy. I love him and he is my best friend. However, I think I'm physically attracted to girls. For as long as I can remember, I've always had fantasies about girls and I find them attractive and I don't find guys attractive. I am constantly questioning if I'm a lesbian but I'm terrified to explore the possibility because if I'm not, Ill be throwing away the best future I could possibly want. My family loves him and his family loves me. We have began building our future together as we start college and if I had to pick another human to grow old it would be my best friend. The question continues to bother me, however. I don't have much experience with girls at all because my friends were all boys growing up. I've always had boyfriends but it's never been satisfying. I've had one encounter with a girl that wasn't fantastic but I think it wasn't fantastic because of the person, not the gender. I'm just very confused and wish that I knew for sure what I am doing with everything. :bang:
So you said you don't find men attractive, but does this include this man you are in a relationship with? I know this sounds rough, but how can you be best friends if you can't tell him you don't find him attractive?
As somebody who started questioning six years into a long-term hetro relationship, and with a child too, I'd advise you to explore the possibility you might not be straight now, rather than years down the line when you're more committed. I know it's terrifying, but it'll only get more terrifying, in my experience. Can you discuss this with your boyfriend?
I can't discuss this with him because we come from a very small town in the south and he is your typical country man. He's not the most supportive of the community and I don't feel he could handle something like that. I can't really tell him because I still care about him a lot and I don't want to hurt him like that.
Just remember, there's no rush for you to do anything or make any decisions. Keep posting on here, reading threads and explore your own attractions. You say that a future with your boyfriend is the best that you could want, so think about why that is - what appeals to you about it? You clearly care about him, which shows you are a considerate person. You need to think about your own wants and needs too. It's great that your families are supportive of your relationship, but you have to live your life for yourself, not them. Just take your time. Keep asking questions. You don't have to have all the answers now. Do you have anyone else you could talk to?
I understand you don't want to hurt him, but do you think it would hurt him to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't find him attractive? Has he expressed that is what he wants? Are you going to be happy living a lie? For how long? I know this is tough, but these are things you need to think about for both of you.
