Hey everyone (originally posted this in the wrong forum) I'm a 24 y/o woman in a heterosexual relationship with a straight man and have been (mostly happily) for 4+ years. I've always been attracted to both women and men (I have identified as bisexual since I was about 14), but have only really pursued relationships with men... I have definitely been in love and infatuated with men, but I also suspect that my pursuit of those relationships was influenced by convenience and a previously held idea that the attention of men somehow meant I was "good enough" (of course, I now recognise that this is utterly ridiculous). I've never truly explored my attraction to women - with the exception of one online girlfriend when I was a teenager. Sex in my current relationship is very infrequent and has been for a few years - I often fail to be aroused in that situation and a big part of me suspects that, although I love my partner and I'm attracted to him romantically, this is possibly because I'm more sexually attracted to women. I've often found that my sexual and romantic attraction to men and women does fluctuate and ultimately I still love my partner, but I'm terrified of continuing to commit to a long term relationship when I'm constantly conflicted about my sexuality and the life I want to lead.. I'm feeling increasingly attracted to women (romantically and sexually) and less and less attracted to men. Has anybody else experienced a similar situation? Right now I honestly don't know what I'm going to do, but it would just be good to know that I'm not alone...
I am in a very similar situation. I almost feel like I could have written the exact same post, word for word. Except that I had a child with my partner 5 months ago which does not make the situation any easier. I love them both so so much, but I also have some attracted to women that I have never really explored except flirting and drunken make out sessions. I feel like I have to sort out these feelings to avoid hurting anyone in the future but I have accepted that I can't rush it. Lately I have been thinking that I might just not be a very monogamous person, which my partner totally is. I wouldn't mind opening up the relationship a little bit, but he doesn't want that. It might be a possibility for you?
Thank you for replying! Sorry to hear you're in a difficult situation too (*hug*) I know what you mean - especially about hurting people. That's my #1 concern, but I'm worried that it might be inevitable. I don't know if an open relationship is truly an option for me - I think my partner would have a very hard time not being hurt by it.. I would feel wrong keeping him on standby while I explored other options. Secondly, I'm quite monogamous and I think I would need my own time and space to explore things.. and I'd need to do it slowly. I don't want to keep him waiting around while I make my mind up. Ultimately I think I have two options and the pressure is making me feel slightly crazy. Our lives are so entwined and we've been talking about a future together for a long time - which now feels like additional pressure!
It sounds really difficult. Have you tried talking to him about this? just telling him that you love him and don't want to hurt him but you need some time to sort this out? I was really infatuated with my husband for a long long time, I didn't question the relationship at all and I had this naive idea that I would feel the same way forever. A few years ago he actually said that if I needed to be with a woman to try it out he would be supportive but I just laughed at the idea because I couldn't imagine being with anyone else, ever. Now we both feel very differently.
