hi! this is my first time posting so please forgive me for any errors, i'm very sorry. i'm a girl, age 17, and i've been struggling with my sexuality. i've known that i'm not straight ever since the end of high school (about age 14/15 - i graduated early) and since figuring that out, a lot of previous things in my past made sense. i've never dated anyone and i've only ever kissed girls. i used to imagine myself kissing my best (female) friend and then i'd worry about it because "i'm worried that i'm gay even though i'm definitely not and it's just intrusive thoughts" (i have ocd so it was easy to blame things on this). in high school i used to make myself have crushes on boys because that was what everybody else did, i remember i had a crush on a boy because he had good grades and that's what i liked about him. i can't imagine myself kissing a boy or being intimate with a boy, and i definitely can't imagine myself spending my life with a boy. i really, really like girls, though. i called myself bisexual for years, thinking that i couldn't possibly be gay because i would 'just know' if i was. i used to say things like "i'm bi but 99% attracted to girls" or "i'm bi but i wouldn't marry a man" etc. recently i accepted that i don't have any real, lasting attraction to men at all and i started to think that i might be a lesbian rather than bisexual. however, there's still a part of me that thinks that i must be attracted to men even though i'm not and i don't want to be. i guess i think that if i'm gay, i would have had to have known my whole life, not come to this realisation at age 17. so, i'm reluctant to call myself a lesbian. i still want to be friends with men and i still think that some men are handsome, but my attraction to them isn't romantic or sexual, it's literally just "he's cute". i know that i want to spend my life with a girl, but i'm so unsure of how to label my sexuality that it's making me question my identity. i'm worried that i'm just faking it, that i must be straight, that i'm a liar for not realising my sexuality earlier. however, if i don't label my sexuality, i still feel unsure because i like the security of being able to express who i am in words. it's like i won't believe that i'm gay unless i've seen every single man in the world to prove that i'll never be attracted to them, which is ridiculous. i just feel fake and bad and i'm not sure what to do. i'm so sorry if i'm bothering or annoying anyone with this post. :icon_sad:
You're not bothersome or annoying. (*hug*) To me, it sounds like you are a lesbian. It takes a while to feel completely sure.
This 100% Also some people only realize their identity extremely late in life some being decades older that you (just check out the LGBT later in life section for examples) but that does not make their identity or feelings less valid. A lot of gay people struggle for a long time during puberty and only come to a conclusion once they're about the same age as you are so that should not give you any reason to doubt yourself. As for the thing about guys...some lesbians fall for guys and may even date them while remaining in their identity as lesbians. Maybe it's just that one guy for them and the personality outweighs the lack if sexual attraction. Again this does not make their identity as lesbians less valid. If you feel like the word "lesbian" fits you then it is your right to use it. And no one has the right to take it from you for any reason.
You definitely sound like a lesbian. These unsure feelings are more than likely coming from a society that believes women HAVE to be attracted to men.
You may sound like a lesbian but you should not be in any hurry to label yourself. You are wonderful, beautiful and special. Make decisions how you feel comfortable, not to make other people feel better.
thank you so much for all your responses! i feel really comfortable with the term lesbian, i just didn't feel at liberty to use it because it took me so long to understand my sexuality and because of all the things i stated in my post. it's so heartwarming to read your replies. i feel myself when i call myself gay. you're all so accepting and i'm so grateful.
