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Double Ace?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Xe O, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. Xe O

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    Hey!
    Yeah, my seond post and I'm still kinda nervous as hell, man. But okay, at first I wanted to name this thread "Triple Ace", 'cause it sounded funny and because I think (?) that I'm Agender, too. But Gender Identity is not in this section so it's just "Double Ace" xD
    Honestly, I just never know how to start.

    Up till now I thought that I was panromantic and asexual. But the more I think about it the more it becomes possible to be aromantic and asexual. Double Ace.
    Thing is I only have felt sexual attraction to someone once in my life. That was for only ca. 5 min to my best friend while cuddling with her. But then it never happended again. That was so two years ago.

    For romance, I had this "first love" two years ago. But he already had a girlfriend and was happy. It didn't take me too long to get over him. Looking back I'm not quite sure if I even was really in deep in love. Yeah, I had these feelings in my stomach as if I would have to vomit (some people also call this thing "butterflies") and I was nervous aroung him. But that was all it was. I wasn't really jealous over his gf. More like my mind went "Oh, he's really happy with her. Okay, let start to forget him." Since then I haven't been in love ever again. And I didn't feel the need for it.

    I do find people attractive and I think "Huh, he/she/they is kinda hot!" Not more. I don't really feel the need to talk to them, to touch them, to even look at them more than just second or third and that's out of...fascination of their good looks you can say. No love, no romantic.

    But I do feel a attraction to friends. Or strangers who are nice. Even if I just know them for a couple of minutes. I like to touch them, to run my fingers through their soft hair, their scent...I never really thought about that and just loved to tease my friends with stuff like this. Also it didn't matter which gender. This "Huh, he/she/they are kinda hot!" doesn't have anything to do with their gender, expression, etc. I litteraly find people hot. And like their scent etc. That's why I thought I was panromantic. But now I found out recently that this thing is called "Sensual attraction" and has nothing to do with the romantic way. And when I think about it, it makes sense. I don't love them. I don't imagine kissing them or going on a date and when I imagine having sex with them...yeah..that's another thing, but honestly, hell no. I just enjoy their scent, their soft skin or hair. And that's all to it. Maybe thinking about trying out to kiss them but you don't do that to friends. It would confuse them and worst case they would think you love them and that would make your relationship awkward.

    About kissing or touching. If I kiss/touch other people I just enjoy the sensual feeling. I don't think anything about it. If other people kiss/touch me, it's the same. For example men laying their arms around my hips (even though as an agender it's a bit annoying to be remembered about my hips) I enjoy the warth of their arms. But there is no other feeling. There is no meaning in laying an arm aroung hips. It's imo the same as just grapping someones arm or carrying someone drunk home. No feeling to it. Sadly that thing happening caused some bad misunderstandings by the boys touching me. Cause I stupidly thought they would think the same way as I do. Haha. Nope, they don't.

    So what do you guys thinking about that? Am I double ace? Ain't I?
    Can sensual attraction even happen without romantic or sexual feelings, in your opinion?
    Have a nice day!
    Xe
     
  2. Brytaleith

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    Typically, aromantic asexuals are known as aro aces, but double ace should be perfectly fine too :slight_smile: (I mean I've never heard anyone call themselves that but you can definitely do that! Nice meeting a fellow aro ace on this site!)

    Tbh I'm not going to affirm or disagree with your choice of labels because I'm kinda in the middle of something and it's really difficult to determine other people's orientations, like always. I might come back later, though.

    I definitely agree that sensual attraction can occur without romantic/sexual orientation. Or at least, I'm pretty sure it can. I'm not all that great at discerning which attraction is which. (Wow this is doing nothing for my credibility okay nvm)
     
  3. PrettyinPunk

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    Hi, Congrats on your second post! (tips a drink to you) Starting topics can be weird but people on this forum are nice so don't be nervous. :slight_smile:

    To me, it sounds like you are in the grey area of attraction. I fall into the more demi area so I can't relate exactly but I've learned quite a bit about asexualality. You find people hot, but without sexual/romantic attraction, that's aesthetic attraction. I experience this myself (though uncommonly so) and ace people can also feel this.

    I have heard of sensual attraction before randomly but I just did some searches on what exactly it means. Its pretty interesting but makes sense. From what I've gathered some people lump sensual attraction in with romantic, therefore if you feel this way your not aromantic. However many people feel these areas are separate, since romantic people sometimes don't feel or like sensual acts on them or to their partner. Also it makes sense to me, how you may want to cuddle with a friend but it's still a platonic relationship.

    Reading more about it, I'm starting to wonder if what I've felt in the past was more sensual than romantic. I've always thought it was romantic attraction because it certainly wasn't sexual, but I'd describe it as low romantic attraction. Basically while I liked the kisses, hand holding, cuddling, I never saw it in a relationship way, nor did I ever imagine continuing it in the future. Doing these acts made me warm and happy but it wasn't a need or desire, just something that would happen. Now I have to think about this carefully...thanks!:lol:

    To wrap up what I mean to say, I can't confidently say your double ace but from what I researched and read of others experiences. You can be both asexual/aromantic and feel sensual attraction. Hope it helps a little.
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    Hi and welcome!

    There are different viewpoints on asexuality.

    There's one school of thought with no basis in research, science, study, nor acceptance by much of anyone who works as a professional in the field. Using that definition, which is crowdsourced and difficult to pin down, you could be asexual because almost *anyone* qualifies.

    On the other hand, if you are using the widely accepted definition of asexuality that has been used for 50+ years and is recognized by practically everyone in the field... you are simply an ordinary individual with sexual attraction that falls well within the normal spectrum of sexual attraction... some people feel very strong attraction, while others feel very mild attraction, and for some it varies. All are within the normal spectrum of ordinary heterosexual or homosexual attraction, no "asexuality" needed. :slight_smile:

    For the record, according to the widely accepted definition, asexuality is hardwired and unchangeable, and there's also no credible evidence for a separation between romantic and sexual orientation. So for these purposes we will consider them together. If you have previously felt sexual attraction, a crush, or any sort of attraction to someone, then you aren't asexual, at least according to the widely accepted definition.

    Sensual excitement/pleasure, sexual excitement/arousal/pleasure, and romantic excitement/arousal/pleasure are all interrelated. Most likely, you're still discovering yourself and you'll feel different levels of attraction at different times. Nothing stops you from using any label you want to use, whether it's 'unicornsexual', 'asexual', 'homosexual' or anything else. And my main point here is that if you're going to use a label, it might as well be one that is widely accepted and actually helpful in allowing others to understand you.