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I just realized….

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by MyPugtronus, Aug 5, 2016.

  1. MyPugtronus

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    Looking at pictures of men, I was initially not interested…but then slowly came to a point where I thought, you know, I guess I do find that attractive.

    Yet while looking at pictures of women, thoughts of attraction came immediately.

    And then I realized: If I have to convince myself that I could find a man attractive, then I'm probably not really attracted to men. Maybe there's some attraction, but it's not as strong as my attraction toward women.

    I don't know why it took me this long to figure it out. :lol:
     
  2. Sayonara

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    That's good :grin:
     
  3. Mifora

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    Can I ask, who do you feel attracted to in real life? I am not that attracted to pictures of men either and feel more attracted to pictures of women. But in real life I feel attracted to some men and some women. I guess it's because personality means a lot to me, but it confuses me because with pictures it's so clear that women attract me more
     
  4. PerdHapley

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    Hahaha. Good for you!

    This is so weird because I had a thought along similar lines yesterday. After only realising at the age of 20 that it had never occurred to me to diddle my skittle to thoughts of men/men's bodies and going crazy about it and finding it weird, I finally ended up laughing to myself yesterday, thinking: "if you've been trying this hard to do it for the last two years and all it does is make you feel like you need to pee, it's probably not going to work out ever" :lol:

    Some men are attractive. The same way my straight friend can tell me list of women she finds hot (and often with more ease and comfort than I can), I'm learning that it's okay to say that a man is hot or attractive, even though I'm not sexually attracted to them. I'm gay but I'm not blind...
     
  5. MyPugtronus

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    Well, in the past, I did develop some crushes on guys, but I'm realizing that they came quickly, almost randomly, and dissipated soon after the guy showed no interest. More to the point, I've dated several guys that I got along with well—kind, attentive, good-looking men—and the second I kissed them, I realized there was no attraction. At the same time, I'm remembering my feelings toward some of my female friends, and I'm realizing that I had some pretty serious, long-lasting crushes on them. When my parents made me stop spending time with them (for reasons due to "controlling parents not liking my friends") it took me months to recover. Yet when a guy stopped showing interest, I'd be upset…but more because I just wanted someone to show me attention in a romantic way, I think. Plus there's the fact that I was raised in a very conservative, anti-LGBTQ denomination, so there was all of this pressure to be straight from there, not to mention my mom who would become upset with me when a waiter would flirt and I wouldn't flirt back….

    I identified as bi for a while, but after I gave myself permission to find women attractive, I soon realized that it was women I noticed first, men as more an afterthought. And then there were other things, little things—caring more about the plots of Marvel movies than the moments where Cap or Thor or Tony flaunt their sculpted abs, focusing on Haley Atwell more than on Chris Evans, identifying more with Valerie than Evie in V for Vendetta despite Valerie getting a fraction of Evie's screen time, etc.

    It's been a long time coming, getting to this point, but I think life finally makes sense.
     
  6. Patagonia

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    Its all about self-realizaton - what makes YOU happy and feel connected to someone - not definitions or labels from others. Its about discovery - accepting that you can be attracted to all sorts of people - but in very different ways. I know it sounds silly, but I think of it like music. I like all sorts of music - classic, rock, jazz - but for different reasons and how each makes me feel. I know, silly. But stressing over it can make you even more confused, wasting time instead of enjoying all life has to offer.
     
  7. brainwashed

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    I see in your post a situation that plagues many of us in the West. The need to label and find a single mate.

    I now feel deep down we humans are not that way at all.
     
  8. MyPugtronus

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    Maybe someday, I'll leave labels behind. But for now, I need one to make sense of everything going on in my head. I'm not the sort to define myself by labels, but at this point in my life, for this part of my life, I need one.
     
  9. SHACH

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    I relate! I relate to some of this (*hug*). Good for you!!!
     
  10. MyPugtronus

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    Now I just have to figure out how to tell people. Not my parents yet—I don't plan on doing that for a while—but the people I'm already out to. They knew I was questioning, possibly bi, so how to share this development….