So.. I've been identifying as pretty much straight for quite a few months now after being unsure that what I felt for women was romantic. But I've met someone that has made me question things all over again! See, when I was younger, I had at least one instance of being attracted to a woman, in the same sort of way that I am feeling now. I had a lot of confusion about this and agonized about it forever, and ultimately categorized it as an exception, and went on to identify as pretty much straight. But I've met someone that makes me question things again. I'm not sure if how I feel is romantic or not, though. These feelings are different and maybe.. less intense than how I feel for men, but at the same time, I'm not so sure they're platonic. They definitely aren't sexual, though. I feel like I'd like to hold hands and kiss and stuff, though. I feel really high energy when we get to hang out together, but I don't feel any sort of butterflies. A little nervousness, though. I laugh a lot when I'm with her, about things that I normally wouldn't laugh about. Hysterically, sometimes. I don't want to, but it's so hard not to.. It makes me feel like I don't want to leave the state that we're both in right now. (I'm in CA for an internship) So I guess what I'm getting at is: how can I know that this is romantic and not some kind of squish/platonic crush? And also, is it normal to feel different feelings of attraction towards different genders? (ie: feeling "butterflies" towards some genders but not others?) This is maybe the 2nd or 3rd time this has happened. Like, am I panromantic or what?
I cam to EC for similar reasons. I don't have anyone particular in my life of the same gender who is making me question my sexuality, I just happen to be at this stage in my life. I've always identified as straight, although many times throughout my life people gay and straight have assumed I'm a lesbian. I've made out with girls a couple times and while it was pleasant, it didn't really do anything for me. On the other hand, I've had passionate sex with several men. However, as I'm aging, I'm finding my desire for men is declining...I think. It seems to be. At the same time, I feel drawn to have deeper emotional intimacy with women. I don't really sexually desire women, at least not in a way that my straight-identifying mind can see, but I feel like I could potentially have a deeper emotional bond with a woman. Lately I've been thinking back to see if I can remember a time when I possibly had a crush on a girl/woman that I might have denied because of social conditioning. The only experiences I can think of were a couple times when I became acquainted with really butch lesbians and I felt a very strong magnetism to them. But it was different from what I have felt with men I'm attracted to. It was like I wanted them to admire me and accept me. It was like a deep admiration and desire to sit near them. Maybe even a slight flutter in my chest, but not the kind of ache in my loins that I have felt with men. So I don't know how to interpret this. Am I bisexual? Am I straight but happen to have a platonic-type attraction to lesbian women who have a strong "masculine" look and certain cockiness about them? The women I have made out with have always been kind of femme-y, softer, which does not seem to be the type of woman that appeals to whatever side of me seems attracted to women. I wonder if I made out with a woman with the appearance and demeanor that is so appealing to me, if I would feel the same kind of intensity that I have felt for men. Also, I wonder as you have wondered if there can be two kinds of ways to be sexually/romantically attracted to someone, that maybe being attracted to women is necessarily it's own kind of thing, different from but not less than the kind of attraction I feel for some men.
