1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Extremely confused!! Please help me! Voice in my head tells me

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alex200, Aug 7, 2016.

  1. Alex200

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2016
    Messages:
    15
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York City
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    2 days ago I was with my ex girlfriend for 2 nights in a hotel room. The first night it was great we ended up spooning naked on the couch but I got too drunk and passed out. The next morning I woke up and became crippled with these thoughts telling me "Im Gay" "You're Gay" over and over again in my head to the point that it made me super anxious as I hate it when these voices appear in my head as it confuses me immensly about my sexuality. What made it worse was I was unable to get an erection around this girl which I believe was due to me being overly anxious. The next morning however we decided to have a shower naked together and then have sex on the couch. These thoughts were not as strong this time and because of these thoughts I question everything like did I enjoy the sex? I dont know? And i just confuse myself more! I do get excited by the thought of having sex with her though.

    I really just want to know what I like. Like I just want to know am I gay or am I straight. This voice that tells me im gay in my head hardly ever leaves me alone and it has taken over my life. There are periods where the voice isn't there and life is great but when it is I just feel like doing nothing but going to sleep.

    The voice has been in my head ever since I was 18 I believe and it has only gotten real bad in the last 2 years. When this voice appears in my head I try and fight the voice ie: the voice tells "me im gay, you are gay, you may as well come out already cause you're gay" to which I think but I dont like penis and the idea of sleeping with a naked man grosses me out. Like I dont see myself giving another guy a handjob or doing anal or anything like that.

    Its very confusing. Its gotten to the point where I dont know what being attracted to someone is like anymore. I even have googled "how do you know you are attracted to someone."

    I have said to myself out loud "im gay" hoping that it will make the voice go away but it never does. Even if I said to myself im gay or told someone else that im gay if I saw a girl undressing and saw her boobs I would most likely get an erection so im just like wtf is wrong with me!? Is this voice trying to tell me that im actually gay?

    I would really appreciate if someone could help me out because this voice is just beginning to get to much! It scares me because I dont want to be gay. Like I have never crushed on a boy before and my life is a lie? Like the thought of sitting down and verbally explaining this to someone terrifies me cause I dont want them to think im gay or 'coming out' as I believe that I am straight just for what ever reason have this voice that appeared in my head telling me im gay and has terrorised me ever since.

    I believe the voices started when some boys at school would call me gay or when my step dad would call me gay lord etc. I thought to myself why are they saying those things? Is it true? Am I gay in denail? Thats how I believe the voice in my head started.

    If you could help me out that would mean the world. I just want to be done with this stupid voice in my head that is making my life hell! Thank you very much!!