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Sleeping with another man?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Alex200, Aug 8, 2016.

  1. Alex200

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    Hello!
    So over the last 4 years basically there has been this voice that appears in my head telling me that "I am gay" "you are gay" stuff like that and it has literally taken over my life because I just want to figure out who I am so I can find someone to love and be happy wirh them. As a result it has given me a lot of pent up anxiety. I haven't told anyone about this voice as I fear they will think I am gay as I tell them what is happening. I just want help.

    I dont understand why this voice appears as I have never had a crush on a boy before. I dont see myself having sex with a man or cuddling with them naked but then again as a result of this voice telling me im gay I dont know if im just gay in denial? Now when I see a boy that is good looking on the internet my heart starts to beat faster and I freak out checking to see if I like him or am attracted to him (I have no idea what being attracted to another male is like? Like if a male is attracted to another male do you want to touch their penis, kiss them idk?) I have had 2 girlfriends in the past and I enjoyed touching their boobs and touching their vagina.

    This voice is making my life hell and as a result I dont want to get into a relationship because of it. Like what if im with a girl and later down the track it turns out im gay? I was with a girl the other day and this voice appeared again and made me so anxious I couldn't get an erection even though we were both naked - however I have been able to get an erection around this girl numerous times before.

    Could someone please please help me I would really appreciate it??
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Curious, when you masterbate, what is it that you fantasize about? Do you have fantasizes with men or women?

    Have you considered maybe seeing a therapist whom can help you work through what might be going on?
     
  3. Alex200

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    I masterbate to porn videos of women oiling their boobs stuff like that. I have also watched gay porn to see if I got an erection from it but never did
     
  4. LooseMoose

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    Why do you ask in the tile about sleeping with another man, if your post does not talk about it? Do you want to sleep with a guy?
     
  5. Alex200

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    No im trying to figure out my sexual identity. Like im pretty sure I am straight and these thoughts are just intrusive?
     
  6. Chiroptera

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    Hey Alex200,

    First of all, and peraphs my most important advice: It is important that you stay calm and relax. Orientation is about you and yourself: There is no need to worry about "what if others find out", "what if I'm not straight", "what if..."

    Think about your attractions. And, if possible, avoid thinking about porn: While it can be used as a indicator, real sex and porn sex are really different (as you might know). When you think about girls, how do you feel? Do you fantasize about them? How would you feel being intimate with a woman? Now, think the same things about men. How do you feel about being intimate with a man, when you imagine the scene?

    Remember that no one can conclude anything about your orientation besides yourself, regardless if you are straight, gay, bisexual, etc.

    But, the most important thing here is: Relax, think about your attractions, but don't feel pressured to jump to a conclusion. Some people can solve these "mind puzzles" in a few seconds. Some take years. Take your time and relax. :slight_smile:
     
  7. brainwashed

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    Alex200, dont know your age, maybe it does not matter. Maybe your exhibiting very natural "explore and discover" behavior. If so it's normal to do this.

    It seems you are very worried about labels and what others think. You've got to work past the "label phase".

    Go with what your subconscious tells you and stop listening to your conscious or what society tells you.
     
    #7 brainwashed, Aug 8, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2016
  8. Blank1

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    I have the same issues. I'm 22 and that's when it started for me. 5 years later I don't have an answer and unable to date anyone due to doubt. Before this, I grew up dating and sleeping with females exclusively. Never even thought about guys. All I can tell you is get help now. I regret letting it go on for so long. I don't know what the outcome will be, but becaus of how long it's taken me to address, I've lost all attraction and frame of reference that I had. Just started seeing a therapist/psychologist last week. I suggest you do the same. At the end of the day, if you've liked women in the past you probably still will at the end of this, but fighting it doesn't help. Good luck and honestly is probably better for your anxiety to stay off the internet and this subject. I learned that I can here, it puts my mind at ease for a bit, but the anxiety comes back worse than ever.
     
  9. Alex200

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    I am 21 :slight_smile: Also have kissed a guy while I was really drunk at a party and pulled away immediately almost asking myself wtf am I doing? Is that exploring?

    ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2016 at 01:04 PM ----------

    Oh man I feel your pain!! This is absolutely horrible! What else did your therapist say about this I would really like to know cause I just want this voice to be gone so I can move on and hopefully start a relationship with someone! I feel the whole loss of attraction thing - there was this girl I found hot and now I just cant seem to think of her that way anymore :/ thanks very much for your reply! :slight_smile: