Did you get pleasure from gay thoughts?

When I started questioning whether or not I'm straight, I felt the exact same way. I was worried out of my mind and the thought of being with someone who wasn't a girl would give me panic attacks. It started to affect my happiness and it took a few years after having my first "gay" thought to fully accept it.

Even though I'm not the one who should be telling you what your orientation is, if you have the idea that you're attracted to guys then you probably are. For most people that I know that have gone through the process of accepting themselves, there's usually a period where they aren't sure of themselves or are outright disgusted by the thought of being with someone of the same gender. The best advice that I can give, if your comfortable with it, is to find someone in person that you can talk to about it without the fear of being outed, whether it's a therapist, a loved one or even another LGBT person that you know. The process of talking to someone about how you are feeling is therapeutic in itself and can really help you understand yourself as well.

 

As someone who is pretty sure they are on the homosexual end of the spectrum, I can tell you that, for me at least, thoughts of being intimate with someone of the same sex really turns me on.

I would be inclined to say that if thoughts of being intimate with another man for you yucks you out then you probably aren't gay. But that's just my stance; ultimately no one can tell you how you feel but yourself, you know?
I guess you'd have to be careful that your 'grossed out' feelings aren't coming from a place where you're shaming yourself out for having these thoughts - that you aren't reacting out of any kind of subconscious internalised homophobia, if that makes sense? Sometimes it can be a real muddle trying to figure out how we really feel, versus how society or our own phobias have conditioned us to think.

Talking to a therapist, or someone close to you who you feel comfortable with sounds like a good way of sorting out your thoughts, as ChamelionSoul has said. Even perhaps speaking privately to one of the administrators on here, or finding a hotline you can call might be a good idea. There are usually hotlines in most countries that you can call for free.

I hope this helps in some way, and hope you find some clarity in how you've been feeling x

 

It both scares me and makes me feel happy to think about being in a relationship with a man.. But it makes me sad.. Cause I can't look past coming out which I'm terrified of..

 

I'm not out of the closet, and I've never had an intimate experience with a guy, but I consider myself to be gay. So keep that in mind with my response.

Looking back, here are some of the things that should have made me realize I'm gay.

First, I never truly looked at a girl and thought she was "hot". Beautiful and gorgeous, yes, but there was never anything sexual with it. I had always thought guys were "hot". I was turned on by my classmates when changing for phy ed in the locker rooms. There was something romantic and sexual behind thinking a guy was attractive.

Second, with my girlfriend (I've had one girlfriend in my life, before realizing I'm gay), I never truly felt sexually attracted to her. I was excited when I would kiss her, make out, when we would have naked cuddles, and when we had sex. But the excitement never came from sexual roots. It came from the newness of being romantic with another person for the first time. So I would ask yourself if you are truly sexually attracted to the girl(s) you've done stuff with, or if it was the novelty of the acts.

Third, I've only had one romantic dream I can remember where I was with a girl. And there really wasn't much romance. In the dream I was married to a girl, and we had a kid, and I was beyond happy in the dream. That dream fooled me into thinking I was straight for a long time. But 99.99% of the dreams I've had have been with guys, and it felt so great. Anytime I kiss a guy in a dream, I feel connected. So with this I would ask yourself if you have romantic dreams with guys and/or girls, and if so, do you feel connected to a specific gender?

I don't want to try and "diagnose" you sexuality, but it sounds like you could just be curious. Possibly bi. Like others have said, there's no real way for someone else to know. You just have to feel it, and sometimes it takes a long time to realize what you feel.

I hope that helped in some capacity, and that you find clarity and comfort in this process.

 

When I first started to question how I felt about guys, the idea of actually having sex with other guys seemed a little off putting. But it was really the romantic feelings I had that made me confused, as they were the exact same emotions I'd felt about other girls.

I was still worried and didn't want to have those feelings at the time, but I couldn't deny those types of feelings were there. So, the question I would ask you to ask yourself is: Have you ever felt attracted to other guys? From there, I'd say try to analyze those feelings. It can be difficult to do, but one way or the other it will feel freeing to answer that little voice in the back of your mind either way.

 

I always did get pleasure from those thoughts. All the time. It took awhile to go from thoughts to actually trying it, due mostly to social anxiety and difficulty with being outgoing. It was another adolescent who made the first move, when it happened. But I always looked forward to having more of the thoughts, until that point. And afterwards, even more.

So yes, it is possible for someone to be along a continuum of accepting themselves, but not stressed by it.

 

When I was fifteen or sixteen I loved going to parties and making out with a girl and thinking about her later on. But there was also a voice inside me telling me how cute guys were. It was confusing and then a year or so later, I had a summer job and a boy walked into the store and I couldn't take my eyes off him. It was like a bomb going off in my brain and then it happened again at a party with another guy and this time we became friends but I had a huge crush on him. This was tough and eventually I broke off the friendship because I felt ashamed of the feelings. I was so confused and ashamed of my thoughts that I stopped dating girls and whenever a guy showed interest in me I'd panic and freeze. It took me many years to be prepared to talk about these feelings with anyone and then it was with a therapist. I think you need to try and accept the thoughts and talk to someone - but only someone you trust and who is not homophobic. Otherwise the thoughts are only going to get worse and you could find yourself in a terrible situation. The friend I walked away from was a wonderful person and I wish I'd been honest with him and remained friends, I still feel very sad about how it ended.
Take care of yourself and get support.