Hi there, thanks for coming to this post. I'm really confused about what's going on with me. I'm 18 and female. I'm a very feminine person and love dresses and make-up and could not play a sport to save my life. Sexually, though, I am very confused. I am easily turned on by male-on-male porn and stuff, but when it comes to being with a guy in real life - I feel very bored. I've dated three or four guys and every relationship has been the same. They like me and want to be physical (and it sounds good in my head) but I just get so bored when I do it in real life. I get really frustrated with myself about it. It seems like all the teenagers around me can hardly get enough sex and I get bored and ugh just by kissing a guy. And then there's girls. I get turned on watching them in porn too. And I get really happy when I think about dating a girl. I think it'd be really sweet and I do really like girls in general. But, it's hard for me to find girls hot or sexy. I think they're cute and I want to kiss them and touch them and cuddle with them, but I don't really want to go down on them or have them go down on me? Am I just a bisexual prude? Idk I'm very lost. Thanks for putting up with this whole post.
Wow, this seems like quite a confusing situation, huh? I can't say I feel the same way, but I know where your coming from. I like girls more in both a romantic and physical sense (even though I've never even dated anyone before) but with guys I only imagine doing the sweet and specifically innocent stuff. I think I identify as panromantic, so I suggest you also look at other terms that might describe you. You might feel something click. You don't exactly even need a label, unless you feel you need one. Just try and experiment with some girls maybe and see how things go, and be patient. It's hard to figure things out sometimes just like that, and actively trying to see how you feel in different situations would help. Either way, it seems you are in some way attracted to either gender, and that's totally fine. Sorry if my advice isn't very good, it's hard to describe these kinds of things sometimes. Just say if you are confused about anything still. And thank you for asking for help! We're glad to give advice.
Well all the stuff you say about being feminine is irrelevant - there are soooo many very feminine lesbians, you just can't see them because they "look straight". One thing that is possible is that you are not yet comfortable with the idea of thinking about girls sexually. I know for me I was very much like that for a while in the earlier stages of discovering myself. I'd say about crushes " I want to marry her... But we'd just cuddle and stuff, dunno what I'd do if she wanted sex". That has changed since I've opened up. That may be what's going on with you, or you just have low sex drive, or you have to meet the right person. I can't know, I'm not you, but it could easily be a lack of full acceptance holding you back. Jump into the LGBT community and media etc and see how you feel along the journey.
Qs for you... 1)Have you ever had a guy you actually enjoyed the sex with? 2)How many guys total? 3)Think objectively, could it be the lack of social acceptance impacting your view about being with girls? That's actually the case for a large number of people.
Just an idea. Need to separate the fantasy world of porn with the reality world of real connections with real people. Not to say what turns you on is wrong - there's just a lot more than the down and dirty. Being bi opens you up to a much bigger world than most people. You'll figure out where you will want to venture in that world - and more importantly, with who.
1) Never had sex with a guy, I can literally barely get through making out. 2) 0 3) I've already told a bunch of my friends about my feelings and they've all been really accepting of it. My parents would be super chill about it. My life probably wouldn't change at all if I came out as a lesbian or bisexual. I only started questioning my sexuality like 6 months ago, and when I first started questioning, some of it was really scary, but now I think I'd be pretty okay with whatever label I choose... I just don't know which one is mine?
