Hello, Okay, saying ''you're too young to know'' is a comment considered -phobic but I would like to ask a question in terms of asexuality, and I apologize in advance if this is offensive. Asexuality, as I am aware, is the lack of sexual desire. However, most people don't have a sexual desire until they are at least 13. So how would somebody at a young age [Under 13] know they are ace if most people their age don't have any sexual desire? How would you talk to a child under 13 if they thought they were ace without using the ''you're too young to know'' statement, even though this is very common and that most children -> adults will develop a sexual desire? Thank-you.
I would say exactly that, to be honest - that most children don't have sexual desire, and that sexual desire generally develops around or after puberty. While they may be asexual at that moment in time (as all kids could technically identify), it could shift into a more sexual state as they age. I would definitely stress, though, that if they do remain asexual that is okay, and they shouldn't feel pressured to be attracted to someone OR to avoid attraction if they do feel it.
Honestly, most people under 13 don't even know if they are gay. I think most people would definitely say you are too young to "be gay" under 13. I didn't know I had same-sex attraction until I was 14, and didn't know I had exclusive same-sex attraction until I was 19. Some have similar stories, and others don't. Asexuality as well isn't simply the lack of sexual desire, It's the lack of sexual attraction to either gender. Asexuals can feel sexual desire toward masturbation, but partnered sex is not all that attractive. In addition, some sexuals may not like the idea of partnered sex for certain reasons, but still feel sexual attraction to a certain gender (thinking they are hot, being aroused by the idea of them naked). That being said, I do believe asexuality is sometimes misused or overused. One has to wonder first if they lack a true attraction to either gender sexually, or if they're scared of sex, if they're sex-repulsed (NOT the same thing as asexuality, asexuals can be sex-positive and sexuals can be sex-repulsed), if they're depressed or on medication, and so on. I'm not saying asexuality doesn't exist, but there are some misconceptions of what the defintion constitutes.
If you know other LGBT+ people in sure at least one of them at some point have changed how they identify as they grew older and understood themselves better. That in my opinion is the same thing that someone can do when they identify as asexual when they're young if they feel that gives them a sense of identity and belonging don't question it let them be who they are. No matter what age if someone feels they have a reason to label themselves in a way at any age let them. I would say accept what they identify as. If it changes it does, sexual orientations do that for some people. Don't assume it's a phase or something they have to be talked out of identifying as. They know themselves well enough I'm sure. Also it's not sexual desire. It's the lack of sexual attraction to all genders although some aces do enjoy sex because a lack of sexual attraction doesn't mean they can't find pleasure out of sex. I, personally, have no interest in sex, but that's not to say my stance on it could never change. Edit; I hope this makes sense it's nearly 4 am for me
"Too young to know" is offensive in the context of a person trying to invalidate another's identity, when it is clear that the target is of age to make personal decision (ie. It's offensive when it's said to someone who's obviously old enough to know). 13-year-olds and those who are even younger, generally don't fall in the "responsible enough to make life decisions" category, and would be considered "too young to be sure". Since the phrase is still slightly offensive (although I don't quite see why in this case), you could encourage them to keep an open mind, while still accepting that they're ace. Don't make it in such a way that they have to prove their asexuality, and welcome them if they happen to figure out that they're not ace.
