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I feel like an abnormal lesbian.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by SpookyGirl, Aug 12, 2016.

  1. SpookyGirl

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    Hi, everyone.

    A little bit about me: 29 year old happily married lesbian.

    I have always felt a little different than other lesbians. Let me explain why.

    I knew I was different from the moment I hit puberty. It's the craziest thing. Throughout childhood, I always seemed to gravitate towards women. Movies, television shows, whatever, I was always obsessing over one female character or another. Then, when I started going through puberty, it's like something happened overnight. I immediately began to notice girls in a...certain way. For some reason that I didn't quite understand at that age (11), all I wanted was to look at girls. My bedroom walls were covered in your typical Teen Bop/Tiger Beat pictures of the young, pretty girls in music and television. I used to press my face up against the posters in hopes that I could see up their skirts. I didn't know why I was doing it, but I just knew that I wanted to do it. While the other girls my age were obsessed wth boys and wanted to look at them, I was only fascinated by girls. I remember saying, in middle school, "Why do they want to look at boys? Boys are no fun to look at, but girls are."

    Anyway, this went on for years. It was my "little secret." I would hungrily devour girls with my eyes. I craved them.

    This is the part that is disgusting and embarrassing. No one knows this. Please don't judge me.

    My reaction to attractive females has ALWAYS, always, always been characterized by...well...my mouth literally watering. I'm not joking. And what makes it water is, and always has been, the idea of pussy. Before I had even tasted another woman, and I was just staring at that cute blonde girl in my History class in high school, I would actually salivate. Seeing a woman's legs, whether she be in shorts or a skirt, or a bathing suit, or even her underwear, has always made my mouth water. I wanted to touch and kiss those beautiful legs, and then stick my mouth...other places.

    So, yeah, the mere hint of pussy makes me salivate. I am like a drooling dog. Saw a pretty woman in shorts, working out? Mouth watered. Saw a gorgeous female at the beach in a bikini? Mouth watered. Saw an attractive lady in a skirt? Mouth watered.

    I've had relationships with women. I've had sex with women. And I have never been able to get enough.

    I am married to a wonderful woman now. We have been together nearly four years, married for two, and I am wild about her. But I'm just...disgusting. I crave her body, and I really crave her pussy. Just the idea of it. I am obsessed. Seeing her, walking around the house in shorts, or her underwear, I salivate like crazy. I just want to bury myself between her thighs. I could spend hours there. Everything about her intimate parts: the sight, the smell, the feel, the taste. All of it. (I also love her beautiful heart and soul, so don't think I only want her for one thing.) I mean, I don't wash my hands after sex, if I use them, because I love having her scent linger on my fingers.

    I've never been with a man, because I've never wanted a man. Only women evoke this reaction from me. I have never wanted a guy in my life. But women? Oh, God. So much. For so long.

    Anyway, I just feel like a freak. I don't think other lesbians literally salivate over women, or crave pussy like this. I know my wife doesn't. Her mouth doesn't water. She doesn't react the same way. (She actually once told me she thinks I have some kind of pussy addiction.)

    I don't think I'm a "normal" lesbian. What kind of gay woman reacts this way to other women? I feel like a disgusting dog. I'm ashamed of myself for this.

    Can someone please tell me what's wrong with me? Why am I like this?
     
  2. PrettyinPunk

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    Imo it doesn't sound like anything's wrong with you. I mean is this hampering your quality of life? Are you unable to work or do other tasks because your focused on your wife's body? Are literal lakes formed from your constant drooling?! :lol:

    In all seriousness it sounds like you have a healthy sex drive and great appreciation for your wife and female genitalia in general. I'm sure your far from the only lesbian who feels this way, if were counting straight peeps I can guarantee your not. Actually if my partner were to feel this way towards me I'd take it as a major compliment.

    Its not disgusting or weird. If your wife and you are happy and healthy just go with it. And maybe invest in a bandana or handkerchief, just to keep yourself from being drenched.:icon_wink
     
  3. andimon

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    You're alright.

    As a matter of fact, you're the living proof that women can have a big sex drive. Maybe as the world's mentality advances, more women will find themselves exploring their sexuality at the fullest.

    I wouldn't say I "drool" over guys that much but I can totally see myself hugely sex crazed with my boyfriend/husband.

    Just be grateful you don't have an... eh, easily erectile penis :lol:.
     
  4. Loppox

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    I used to look at girl's legs and especially thights when I was around the age of 13. I would just. stare. a lot. (and appreciate their beauty? I was never jelous of them, but I just wanted to stare at them.)

    (necks were also a hot item)

    I never wanted to look under the skirt, or just wanted to look at the genital area of people, because that would make you a pervert so I didn't do that. Never had the tendency bc of that reason.

    anyways, a year ago, I found myself drooling at a woman too. It was really weird. It. well. her legs were there.

    And then it happened a couple times more, but not much. (I don't know how it would be if my metal health would be better, because my libido is absolutely zero atm, while before (that year ago) my libido skyrocketed like a mf when I discovered that oh yknow, liking girls is also an option.)

    so oh you are not alone, haha, in a way.
     
  5. Sayonara

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    I always thought I was an "abnormal lesbian" too. The reason? Because I had a low sex drive!

    I hear so many stories about how lesbians first discover themselves by incredibly sexual feelings and checking girls out, when mine was a case of romantic/emotional feelings/fantasies, so I felt out of place! I've been developing more sexual feelings lately, yet I still have low desires and they rarely pop up. I also found that I was only really attracted to a select few people, and didn't really like what was stereotypically considered "hot." In order for me to really live out a fantasy, I feel like it would have to be the right girl, the right time, the right feeling. Etc. But because I'm so disinterested in sex (and starting to feel disinterested in romance too) I've felt invalidated and like an odd one out!

    Some people have high sex drives. Some people have low sex drives. Some people are in between. Some people even fluctuate, like me.

    It's all normal. There might be one lesbian who's all about getting that body, and then another who just wants to chill out and just cuddle their partner.

    Everybody has a different experience in terms of romantic/sexual attraction and love. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Sayonara, Aug 13, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2016
  6. Dollop

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    I am i bi lad so i can not judge would is normal and not normal in the world of lesbainisum although i would say everyone is different in someways so what is normal?

    But anyway i can recall how i loved the smell of a woman on my fingers after and i can also claim to not washing my hands :slight_smile:
     
  7. SpookyGirl

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    Haha, no! Though, I'm surprised I'm not constantly drowning in a pool of saliva.

    Thanks for your kind words. Really. They help! I guess I have an insanely high sex drive. I really like that you would take my reaction as a compliment. Unfortunately, my wife doesn't. It actually creeps her out a little. She has these little shorts that I LOVE her in. She stopped wearing them, though, because she doesn't like that I drool over her when she wears them. I don't understand. I'm not creepy about it. I don't cross any lines. I respect her, but she doesn't like how intense my desire for her can be. It's one of the things that contributes to me feeling like I'm abnormal. She once told me -- when she was walking around the house in a pair of shorts -- that I look at her like she's a piece of meat. But I don't see her that way. I just want her so badly. I've actually stopped fawning over her, because she doesn't like it. It's worth mentioning that she seems to have a very low sex drive and has turned me down numerous times for sex. It makes me a little sad, because I wish she desired me as much and as intensely as I desire her. I could walk around the house in the sexiest underwear possible, and she probably wouldn't notice. It's a little depressing, actually. We really do have a great marriage, but our sex life could be better.
     
  8. PrettyinPunk

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    Glad my words helped some! :slight_smile: Yea, if she's not a sexual person or has a low sex drive then your behavior towards her could make her feel uncomfortable, for sure. But this isn't your fault or hers. Just how people are sometimes. And I'm sure she doesn't intend to make you feel abnormal or odd for desiring her so much.

    If sex in your relationship is important to you I'd definitely advise constant communication with your wife. A couple with vastly different sex drives can cause bumps in the relationship but still very workable. Try talking about how you feel about everything with each other. From there maybe you could reach a happy compromise. You could schedule out specific days for sexy time on her terms, that way she'll feel less pressured and since its scheduled it can't be as easily dismissed. Doing certain things that are intimate but not necessarily sexual might be good. I've heard oil massages are a thing.

    None of this may work for you but I wanted to give some suggestions. Or maybe your fine with how everything is, just ignore me then. :lol: Anyways I wish you and your wife the best.
     
  9. AriesDoesItBest

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    Now I cant stop salivating lol. I think you just have a really wild sex drive! I was like this with my ex and she was like this with me. You've just got the full on chemistry! Your wife is a lucky one! : )
     
    #9 AriesDoesItBest, Aug 17, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2016