I'm confused. I have been for a long time now... I'm not normally a person that has to DEFINE themselves but I can't help but think about this all the time, I am ATTRACTED to several (or many?) people but I just can't imagine myself having sex... maybe it's just a faze but I don't know. Anyone have any advice?
It definitely sounds like a possibility. When I told my mom I was ace, she thought it was because I have zero experience in it, but that's not true as the thought of sex just grosses me out completely. Whether it grosses you out or not, if you don't have sexual attraction, then chances are you're asexual. Phase? I don't know, orientation does change for some people at some point(s). You didn't give much detail so that's about all I can say.
If we're using the widely accepted definition of asexuality, then having attraction pretty much rules out being asexual. Under the widely accepted definition, asexuality is a complete lack of any attraction or interest in sexual activity. It is a hardwired sexual orientation in the same way that homo and heterosexuality is. There are also alternative definitions put forth by a tiny-but-loud contingent of people that have no research, science, or basis for their definitions, and under those definitions, practically anyone can be asexual. But if you're going with what's widely accepted, then most likely you are not. It's worth understanding that at 17, there are quite a few people, who fit entirely within the spectrum of normal hetero or homosexuality, who simply aren't interested in sex at that point. That doesn't mean they're asexual, just that for any of a large number of reasons, they have no strong desire to engage in sexual behavior at that point. Some examples of things that can temporariliy suppress interest in sexual activity include depression, anxiety, being on certain medications, family-of-origin issues, a history of sexual abuse, and other factors. Most likely it is something that as you grow older you'll naturally get past. If you're genuinely concerned about it, I'd recommend seeing a therapist and discussing what's going on, and looking at what possible underlying issues could be going on that make the idea of sex seem unappealing.
First thing, what sort of attraction do you experience? Asexuality only rules out sexual attraction, but there more than one type of attraction. I don't think imagination has much to do with orientation. I can imagine myself having sex with someone else, just like i can imagine myself getting stabbed, or flying a broom in a quidditch match. That doesn't necessarily mean that i want to have sex, or be stabbed (although to be fair, i would really like to fly on a broom). So yeah, what you've mentioned here isn't really indicative of your sexual orientation.
I can be physically attracted to people but not want to have sex (I don't know if it's anxiety or just not WANTING to...) like I want to kiss someone but think that anything above that is gross or awkward and undesirable.
That's pretty consistent with what I said before. There are a lot of reasons why that can happen, and it wouldn't be uncommon for that sort of stuff to be rooted in unconscious beliefs or feelings about sex that come from things you observed or experienced or heard growing up. It doesn't sound like asexuality, at least not in the widely accepted definition of the word. This would be something that would be good to explore with a therapist who can help you unpack and understand what's going on with the feelings.
