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Help me out with identifying my sexual orientation? :)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by boombayeh, Aug 15, 2016.

?

What do you think I am?

  1. Straight

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Bisexual

    1 vote(s)
    20.0%
  3. Bicurious

    3 vote(s)
    60.0%
  4. Lesbian

    3 vote(s)
    60.0%
  5. Homoromantic asexual

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  6. Homoromantic bisexual

    1 vote(s)
    20.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. boombayeh

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Cambridge
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Am I bi-curious or a homoromantic bisexual?

    Hello, everyone. I decided to make this account because I wanted some serious answers and advice from people in the same boat as I am. I'm a confused teenager who has been dealing with her sexuality for 5 years now. I've come out to a few friends in the past but never to a family member because I felt like I would disappoint them and they would see me differently. I also haven't come out to them because I'm very confused about what I really am. I know I shouldn't be too worried about labels but I feel like at my age I should at least know what my sexuality is. I've always identified as a bisexual but lately I've been very confused.

    Back in 2nd grade, I was still "straight." There was a guy named David who was a friend to me. He was really kind and I still remember how my parents would tease me saying that we would probably end up being a couple when we become teenagers. I had a slight crush on him, but it was the puppy love kind.

    In 3rd grade, a transfer student came in and I told her that "I love her" to make her feel welcomed, but my fellow classmates took it the wrong way. I would always cling to her and I felt like she got annoyed with me, haha. They asked if I was a lesbian and back then, I didn't know what a lesbian was. So I didn't deny it but when I found out what it meant, I didn't stress it out so much. After that, I felt like... I somehow forced myself to like guys? I thought of my male cousin and since he was attractive I told my friends that I "liked" him. Stupid me, they just thought I was weirder :lol:

    Fast forward to 6th grade was when I transferred to my new middle school and I got my first serious crush on a girl. I fell hard for her, as in HARD. I have never felt that way with any guy and I didn't stress it out much either. I just accepted it as it goes, thinking that I just found her attractive like how I found any other female celebrity attractive. But as days went by, her slight touches made me feel a different way. One day, in P.E. she stared closely into my face and I felt like my heart was about to explode. Perhaps I found a strange desire to kiss her back then? Well anyway, that crush died as I entered 7th grade. But it didn't stop there. I had ANOTHER major crush on another girl in the same grade as I was. It literally lasted for 2 entire years. She wasn't the most attractive girl out there, but back then... Gosh, she was my world. Every song reminded me of her. I even wrote in my diary every night just talking about our slight interactions and how she made my day. This was when I told my friends that I was "questioning" myself. Fortunately, they accepted me but they thought my crush wasn't "that good" and couldn't understand why I liked her out of all people.

    After 8th grade was when my hormones just went crazy. I fell for two other girls (aside from my 7th-grade crush) in a span of a year. In 9th grade, I liked another girl, but strangely... I never had sexual thoughts of her. Since she was my first friend in high school, I only admired her and wanted to become close friends.

    Fast forward to today, I am now deeply in love with my best friend. I met her in 10th grade and until now (I'm entering 11th), I still love her. I tried to avoid it because she's a heteroromantic demisexual, but I really can't. I just care for her too much. I don't even think she's that attractive, but her personality is so special and sometimes I even think she's my soulmate. She and I read each other's minds like we're twins and we have so much in common in terms of questioning our sexuality and our family problems. I honestly could imagine myself with her for the rest of my life. But I don't know... I've never thought of her sexually, nor have I wanted to make out with her. All I want to do is to hold her hand or simply just lie in bed with her watching her favorite movies... I just respect her and I don't lust for her.

    But since I know it'll never work out, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with a guy. :***: (Sometimes I masturbate to straight smut, sometimes to lesbian smut, but never to yaoi. Does what I masturbate to relate to my sexuality?) :***:

    Anyway, I've never been approached by a guy before. Could that be a reason why I've only been having feelings for girls? But I've never been approached by girls either so... Like, what if a guy (who's attractive and kind) suddenly told me that he liked me? Would I fall for him eventually? This is why I'm not certain about my sexuality. Sometimes I still fear that all of this is just a phase. I don't know if I'm straight or "straight-curious" (is that even a thing?:confused:)

    Help me please? :frowning2: I'm so confused...
     
    #1 boombayeh, Aug 15, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2016
  2. GayBatman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Glendale, AZ
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It's okay to be confused. You're a teenager and you're still developing. (I personally wasn't sure of my sexuality until I was 19.)

    Also yes, straight-curious is a thing. You seem to be a bi-curious lesbian. From everything you've wrote you are definitely into women and you are curious about men. Experiment a little. If you're up to it ask a guy out or something. It's going to be okay. :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 15th Aug 2016 at 09:08 AM ----------

    I know what it's like to be in love with your best friend. I'm in love with mine. It's hard and it hurts knowing that it can never be. I still struggle with that myself. But we have to remember that there are other people out there. We'll find love eventually.
     
  3. GayBatman

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gay
    I know what it's like to be in love with your best friend. I'm in love with mine. It's hard and it hurts knowing that it can never be. I still struggle with that myself. But we have to remember that there are other people out there. We'll find love eventually.
     
  4. boombayeh

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Thank you for the advice! A straight curious lesbian sounds legit :lol:
    I'm not sure if I'll ever get over her... As long as she's by my side, I feel like these feelings won't go away. Leaving her is not an option or a choice I could make either:icon_sad:
     
  5. questions4ever

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You're definitely not straight. :wink: honestly you might be somewhere between lesbian and bisexual label however you see fit!