Hey, for long sought for my sexuality and thought I am gay. Well, not always I am now going for 10th grade, I have fully realized and started accepting myself on 8th grade, told a friend or two on 9th grade and here I am. It is that one of them has told me that what if I was not gay, and it was all that I forced myself into? or like I convinced myself that I don't swing the other way? To get things clear, I have told her about an earlier thing in my life where I have gotten a sexual assault and things from there have changed. I was knowing about girls and flirting with them and actually wanted to date girls, but later on, after that dark day by weeks or even months... Girls were like uhmm, just people, no feelings nor emotions towards to. and since then all I think of were guys and it was like I was directed the other way... I have something like can't be described its just that I want to be loved by a guy. But she said that, "What if since then you dug deep that I don't like girls and overtime I just did due to fantasizing about it all the time so my mystical mind got used to girls" and moreover, "Maybe the assault have changed you and it was because of it, that being said if it never happened you would still be straight" I have told her No, how could that be possible I just am that way it just can't be.... Although, I believed her in a way or another... like many articles indicated that many gay people have experienced a similar thing earlier in their childhoods. but I can't be 100% sure of it... as i have mentioned, guys just attract me to something I don't know it must be love and feelings. However, she said that I should avoid all kinds of homoerotic and guys. I promised her, but a few days later I couldn't continue it and went back looking at guys all over again... To sum it up, I feel like less of a "gay" guy, more like she made me feel that I am faking it or "seeking" attention, but how could it be? especially in a homophobic country where you are cursed "as they say" to be gay. So I need some clarification and help guys that would be much appreciated.
My take on it is that your environment doesn't really have much of an effect on your sexuality. I don't think the assault would've made you turn gay. I feel like there are other more logical responses to an assault than changing sexual orientation. You're right about it not making sense to want to be gay. In a society where there is homophobia, why make it harder on yourself? I think if you were straight, you wouldn't be questioning your sexuality like this.
Exactly, it didn't and never made since to me... but still lots and lots of questioning and confusion... and the problem is I have no time to decide, because if I really am gay, my plan is to study my undergraduate in an abroad country so i will study an international qualification. But if I wasn't, I would register and stay home, and school is about to start and the decision is needed to be sorted at the end of the week!:tears:
Statistically speaking, there is a high incidence of early sexual abuse w glbtq people. That's a fact, tho there are many who don't like the implications of that. Early sexual abuse makes people hyper sexual, focused on their own genitals, thus drawn to people w the same genitals. Regardless, for you CGGuy, at your young age, it's best to remain open, consider being bi, or without a label. Be open to girls & boys.
First up, I am so so sorry that you were sexually assaulted From your post it sounds like you are letting someone else's idea of you influence your own idea of yourself. As much as advice from our friends is always nice, your friend can't tell you how you feel because only you know how you feel. The question is, do you think that the assault you experienced has impacted you in this way? Do you think you could like girls one day but that your experience has caused you to shy away from this? You might find it helpful to message one of the advisors here for a one on one discussion, the link for their details is here: Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out - Announcements in Forum : Support Area Potentially the advisor Chip looks like he might be able to offer the kind of advice and support you might need, just based on the topics he lists. I can't imagine how hard it must be living in quite a homophobic country, and my heart goes out to you. Keep in mind that your friend telling you that you might not really be gay, and that it was the assault that made you this way, might be coming from a place where she herself has grown up around people - from the sounds of what you've said - who aren't so accepting of the LBGT community. Her opinions might therefore be a little skewed. AsBeingDude has said, statistically speaking there are many LGBT people who have experienced sexual assault. But there are also many LGBT people who haven't experienced this. There are also many straight people who have been sexually abused, and they still identify as straight. So it is important to remember that your sexuality and whether your past experience with sex or abuse affects it, is a very individual matter, and differs between all of us. Therefore the main thing I think you need to do is try to work out how YOU feel. And no matter what that is, it's okay x Hugs to you!
