Has anyone else began questioning their sexuality by first identifying with and feeling like you belong in a community of LGBT people? I've been heavily involved with a literary/film analysis group online that's mostly populated by bisexual or lesbian women. The love story we analyse is that of a gay couple, and I have found myself overly invested in the story. It's been months now and I couldn't figure out why it mattered so much to me as a straight woman, or why I felt such an alliance and understanding with the other women. It was then that I began looking back at my life and in some of my struggles in my marriage, and I began to wonder, holy sh*t, am I gay? The more I think about it the more clues fall into place, but it is obviously very important to me to know this: Am I really bisexual or am I just over identifying with a group of women whose company and discourse I enjoy? Just wondering if anyone else has been in this position, and where you fell once you sorted it out. Thanks.
Being curious doesn't identify you as being anything other than being human. Social groups tend to reinforce what the norms of that particular social group promotes. So, socialization in a group that identifies with specific sexual behaviors is naturally going to effect all members of that group, including you. My self test has always been very simple. When I see random people on the street, TV, movies, magazines, etc., what is my instant sexual attraction reaction to those images. That's the test that works for me.
I always felt a connection to the LGBT community too. I was always really excited to see lesbian couples and was really drawn to movies which featured them. There was a gay guy in my high school and I always tried to be extra nice to him, because I felt like we were part of the same group, even though I did not understand it. He seemed to hate me though, not sure what that was about. :lol: When I interned in a computer repair shop in high school I once made a house call to this older lesbian couple (in their 60s) and was really happy for them and they are still on my mind a lot. I did not start questioning because I identified with the community though, I don't even know what triggered it entirely. I think it might have been Mackenzie Davis in The Martian, because I sort of realized I was much more interested in her than I was in Matt Damon. Then all the pieces fell in place and I realized I was gay after a few months and here I am.
See, here's where I'm confused. I've been very drawn to a "type" of female character in TV and movies/celebrities, but I don't know if it was sexual attraction, exactly. Darlene Conner from Roseanne. Janeane Garafalo. Gwen Stefani from her No Doubt days. Natalie Imbruglia in that dragon tank top from the Torn video. Fiona Apple from Criminal...like, wow. Alanis Morissette in, well, anything... I recognize these all as somewhat alternative types. Flannel, 90's grunge, torn jeans and baby tees. I've always seen it as an aesthetic appreciation, women/girls who I *wanted to be* Now, I'm not so sure, and lately I sure as anything have been thinking about it with attraction blurring the edges. I just wonder if I'm putting that filter on it now when it wasn't there to begin with. Am I constantly seeing women in this way just to fit it in the thought that this might be who I am...am I just trying to make it happen? God, I'm so confused! :bang:
It sounds like you have attraction to me. It's really hard to force yourself to like something to that level, so if the attraction feels genuine, I'd place my bets that it is genuine.
Do you see each of those women and just think "wow, she's beautiful" or do your thoughts drift towards kissing any or all of them?
Today? Definitely kissing, yes. But I honestly can't say if that's what I used to think before falling into this confusion. All I know is that I definitely felt drawn to them.
I don't know if I'm much help because I'm kind of in the same spot right now but, I feel like none of my straight friends would say that they think about kissing other girls. You know? Maybe to a certain extent we all do though, who knows haha.
When I was really little, I heard that gay was a bad thing, so I just kind of though "Well good thing I'm not gay" and left it at that. (When I was, like, 5) The older I got, I realized that they were just like all other people, who cares who they love? They're not hurting anyone, and I, as an atheist, couldn't find any reason they shouldn't be allowed to get married just like everyone else. By the end of middle school and the beginning of middle school, I began meeting a lot of LGBT people in real life and online, and I felt like I just connected with them, somehow. I wanted to help them get rights and end bullying for them so badly but I assumed it was just because I am a huge fan of equality and all that. Deep inside though, a part of me felt like I should be part of the community as well. Then, during 9th grade, after a sudden crush on a girl, lots of thinking, typing my thoughts out, and analyzing everything, I was like "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Nowwww I know why I feel such a connection with this community. I'm pansexual."
