Hi, I'm new. You can call me Veronica or Vern or really whatever you want. I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to, so I just call myself queer because nothing else really ever felt right. It could be internalized homophobia, it most likely is, but I'm cool with queer for the most part. I generally feel like I'm a sexual person - I love making out, and I think about sex a fair amount, but I'm a virgin and I'm over the age of 22. I know that's kind of taboo in this society, it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me or whatever, but all of this has made me feel like I am completely undesirable in general. That obviously doesn't make me feel great about myself. Because of all this, I am pretty terrified of sexual exploration. I've had offers, but I feel like sex is something that's really personal and since life has told me that I'm not great, I feel the need to apologize for being gross of whatever. The one person I've felt comfortable enough to discuss the idea of sex with told me that it was too much pressure because I'm a virgin, so that was great. I sometimes think I'm ace, but I'm definitely someone who wants to have sex. I experience sexual attraction, I masturbate, I like porn, I can look at people and be like, "would bang" etc. But, I don't know. I need a flowchart that can lead me to my sexual identity, basically. I took an quiz that told me I was just normal sexual. I thought I was gray for a second back in the day, but, like I said, nothing has ever seemed right. K so any light to be shed, lemme know. Also I've been drinking a little bit (again, legal age in I think every country) so this isn't meant to sound smug in any way, I'm just laying out the facts under the influence of some vodka. -V
1. Not a bad thing to be a virgin. If other people are bothered by that, don't keep them around. 2. You sound like you have low self-esteem. That might be the reason behind your reluctance to have sex. 3. You've described yourself and I think you aren't asexual. Not sure about the gray bit. You weren't very clear on that. But non-asexuals (even non-grayaces) can be virgins until even a later age than you are so virginity alone and whatnot isn't that great an indicator.
I'm pretty sure you are not asexual, nor graysexual. The first time I had sex with a woman was age 16 (all we did was finger each other), and I went without having sex again for about 7 years. I feel the same as you; I prefer to be in a relationship if I'm going to have sex with someone. I can't trust someone enough to do things to me if I'm not in a relationship with them. I think maybe you do have some internalized homophobia. Did you grow up around homophobic people? I did, and I used to be somewhat repulsed by the thought of me being a lesbian. But once my (at the time) best friend kissed me, I knew right away that I liked women. Once I had such a breath-taking experience, I no longer felt repulsed. I think you've convinced yourself that you're asexual because you're repulsed by the thought that you might be gay. When you say queer, does that mean you prefer the male dynamic for yourself? For example, do you like to be the man in the relationship? I'm just curious. I'm trying to figure you out so I can help you better.
I'm attracted to people of all kinds. Pansexual is probably the most textbook description of my sexuality, but it doesn't feel like the correct label. Bi feels better, but still doesn't quite fit, so I go with queer. I'm more repulsed by the idea of having sex at all in the physical world (as opposed to in theory). I couldn't care less that I'm also attracted to women, honestly.
