I'm in my teens and I have identified as bisexual for three years. It recently occurred to me that I think I'm actually straight. In hindsight, I honestly feel like I was lying to myself about being attracted to women. I just don't think I have the capability to be romantically or sexually attracted to a woman. I'm only ever genuinely attracted to men, and a relationship with a woman would just feel like an intense friendship rather than anything actually romantic. I'm honestly not sure how I mislead myself for so long. I think I was hopeful that I could (I don't mean any offense by this) still date without having to date men, and that I would be able to connect better emotionally with my partner (women). To explain the "not having to date men" bit, I have some personal issues with internalized misogyny and low self esteem that I need to work through before I can comfortably be in a heterosexual relationship. I'm out to my family and friends as bisexual. I don't know how to tell them, but I know I'd like to because I don't want them assuming I'm bi, when I'm actually straight. The problem is, my parents are christian and I have strong suspicions that they have, in the past, prayed that I would become straight. And I don't want to make them think that they have successfully "prayed the gay away". How do I approach this? I feel a bit of a blow to my identity. How can I come to terms with this?
Just like someone who thinks they're straight before realising they're bi/gay, it'll take a bit of time to adapt to the fact that you aren't sexually attracted to people in the way you thought you were. It happens with any sort of "change" in your personality, and it can make you feel like an entirely different person sometimes. As you already probably know though, being straight isn't anything bad, and if you are straight then it's a good thing that you've realised it. When you think about your previous feelings and how they relate to being straight as opposed to bi, it might help you accept it a bit easier - it's not that you've changed, it's just that your feelings were a bit obscure the first time around. I actually relate with the "not date the opposite gender" part. Before I realised I was trans, I had sexual desire but no romantic desire for men since I felt like a man couldn't fully understand me, but a woman would since I was a "woman" and you can understand things that are the same as you (if only the world were that simple, 13 yr old me...). I didn't (feel like I) have attraction to women though, and boys tended to understand me more than girls which confused me more. After coming out as trans at 15, it made more sense, and I became a lot more interested in men because, hey, now we can understand each other! I did later realise that my little moments of appreciation for women were actually desire, and that I had desires for other people too, though masculine people are still at the top of my list since I feel like they "get me" best. As for how to tell them, try not to make much of a deal out of it. It might be an idea to say that you were questioning for a long time and after really thinking on it, you don't think that a female partner would work for you. Unfortunately I don't know that there's anything you can do regarding your parents; they'll have whatever opinions they have, and the older someone gets the harder it is to change their minds on anything. It may just be something you have to deal with, and at least you know better than them that you weren't prayed into straightness. :/ Good luck and hope that it isn't awful.
What you are describing in regards to your parents is moral positioning. They are probably going to feel on the right side of morality that you are "normal". I think more important than you telling them you are straight is how they react. If you tell them "I think I'm actually straight" and they respond with laughter, happiness, they smile, they nod their head up and down like nodding 'yes', they hug you, say "that's wonderful", etc then that's not a good sign for your relationship with them. For comparison, if someone I knew who told me that they were bi suddenly told me that they were straight I would ask why. I would ask why they've come to that conclusion. I would ask how they felt. I would ask questions based on what they were saying to me. These aren't judging questions though. These are questions I'm asking because I want to understand what's happening in their life. In other words, I shouldn't be deriving pleasure from the sexuality change of someone else. It's not like getting that new iPad as a birthday present. "Wow, thanks!" It's a serious thing. So if your parents actually respect you as a person you won't see them "be happy for you". Yuck.
