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Confused - sexually attracted to females but emotionally attracted to males

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by CrunchyPip56, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. CrunchyPip56

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    Hello!

    I had originally typed an incredibly long post, but my internet cut out and so I'll just summarize what I thought to be the most important parts of my post.
    I am a seventeen year old girl, a senior in high school, and have never kissed or had sex with anyone, and I've also never been in a relationship.

    Like the title suggests, I have only ever crushed on males. At least, I think I have. It was only three guys, ever, but they made me blush and gave me butterflies and they were all I could think about. I have not had a crush on anyone at all throughout my high school experience though. If there are any lesbians reading this, I'd like to ask of you can relate, did you ever have crushes like I did on boys? Or were they entirely forced or nonexistent? Anyways, I've never had crushes on girls, but I also wonder if this is just something I've been suppressing. I'd feel i would know, though. I have never obsessed over another girl or been occupied by thoughts of her. I have with guys, though. And in movies and books, I'm always paying attention to the male characters. They're always my favorite. I've mostly listened to male bands and singers, and had crushes on some male celebrities.

    However, the reason why I am confused is because female bodies are incredibly stimulating to me. I don't usually check out girls in public places. If I notice a pretty girl, I'll usually be jealous of her. But sometimes - mainly if they wear revealing clothing, my interest will be piqued. In sex scenes in movies, I'm almost always looking at the girl. They make me so horny - but guys don't always have the same affect on me. They make me curious and feel all warm and fuzzy, but I don't know. It isn't the same sensation. I never really fantasized about kissing girls. I have had dreams about being a man having sex with women, and the only times I orgasm in my sleep are when I'm dreaming of naked females. There's no specific girl, it's just their bodies in general. I don't really get it.

    Now, here's a detail that might be important. When I was seven years old I was at a friend's house. She was seven, same age as me. She was clearly attracted to girls and was pretty predatory about it - I didn't know what sex was at the time so I thought we were playing a game when she locked me in her bathroom and started kissing and fingering me and made me do the same to her. She even made me perform oral on her and did the same to me - So creepy in retrospect, she was just a small child. Anywway, this was how I learned what sex was. My therapist thinks this could have to do with it, but I haven't talked about the sexual orientation situation too much with her. Since I didn't know what she was doing to me, I enjoyed it at the time, though years later I was devastated by it and beat myself up over it constantly.

    So, I've heard that varied type bisexuality is a thing, where you can be romantically attracted to one sex but then sexually attracted to the other. I don't really know what's going on - it's really affecting me and stressing me out. I'd appreciate some thoughts or comments on what might be going on. This isn't a new thing, either, by the way. I've always felt the same about girl's bodies and about how I feel emotionally towards males.
    Again, thank you for taking the time to read this.
     
    #1 CrunchyPip56, Aug 26, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2016
  2. SkyWinter

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    It's not uncommon for children to explore each others bodies at a young age, but the friend you mentioned sounds like she might have been exposed to sex/abused sexually by someone older to have locked you up like that.

    Is that experience coloring your confusion today? Maybe.

    You mentioned having crushes on guys, but you dream of sex with women and have orgasms while asleep. How do these dreams make you feel when you wake up? If you know you've had an orgasm from these dreams do you wake up and think "Eww...What the heck. Nope. I don't like women" Or do you feel happy and fulfilled? Have you ever consciously had masturbation fantasies about women? How did you feel about that? You don't have to answer these questions here, but they are something you should consider when trying to figure yourself out.

    You said you've never had a relationship but you've never had a crush on women. Maybe you are heteroromantic but bisexual?

    I think just be open and honest with yourself as you explore these feelings. If you discover "Hey I like women romantically" then that's okay, and if you discover "Hey, I only like men romantically" then that's fine too.
     
  3. Omla

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    I'm basically just like you... Appreciate the share!
     
  4. BookWriter1994

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    When I was like 10 or something I believe I remember going over to a neighborhood next door and I had a friend or something and then I remember that we were "Playing House" We were about to kiss I think and then her mom came and told me to leave.. There was another time I believe at the same age, I wanted to kiss a female friend but I didn't?

    I think those were the only times that I remember having any slightly experience with girls at that age.. OH! There was a girl who's mom was babysitting me and I remember her grabbing my hand and placed it down into her pants.. LOL.. (The mom had a daughter)

    I think childhood experiences DOES play a role when you are questioning your sexuality. I mean, I do believe that's the only time I remember that stuff being 10 years old and I only thought about it again when I actually started questioning when I was about to be 21..

    I never ever have been in a relationship before.. Sure, I had crushes on guys and stuff and maybe a couple of "Boyfriends" in middle school but I didn't count those because one of them was when my "Friend" paid my crush freaking 5$ to go out with me and the other one told me that it was a stupid bet..

    I do to be honest.. get seriously uncomfortable when a guy flirts with me.. Even if he was a cute guy.. I don't know if its because I am not used to guys hitting on me but honestly it doesn't really happen all the time though..

    I honestly truly think that I am bisexual but I have a high preference for women right now! But if a REAL SPECIAL GUY comes along then I wouldn't mind seeing where it can go..

    Just take your time. I truly wish that I started questioning at your age lol..
     
    #4 BookWriter1994, Aug 28, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2016
  5. Frdhj256

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    my orientation is extremely similar to yours so I find this post comforting. I hope you find comfort knowing there are people that have a similar orientation to you :slight_smile:
     
  6. Sorcha8889

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    Hello! I feel the same as you! I'm 26 and I've been really struggling with this the past two years.

    I always notice girls in the street. I imagine have sex with hthem. But when in my head I imagine getting married and having kids with a guy...it's so confusing!

    However over the past two years anytime I see a lesbian relationship on TV or film it really pulls at my heart strings aand I imagine it was me..so I dont know if I'm a lesbian and the confusion is just me struggling to accept who I am.