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Confused and anxious

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by wanderlus, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. wanderlus

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi, this is the first time I actually post on this website although I've been through many of the threads that I could relate to, so here I go, I must start by saying that I always considered myself a straight guy and in an odd way still do, but for the last 2 years now, i've been questioning my sexuality, I always loved woman growing up had multiple girlfriends in high school, had sex with them and loved them, well at least I think I did, but now it all seems vague, I can go on and think about woman for an entire day still fantasizing about them as I used to do all my sexual life, I don't masturbate on gay porn nor do I really think about guys in general but for the past 2 years the thoughts are relentless and i've fallen into a pretty deep depression, 2 years ago I had my first panic attacks and for the first time in my life struggled with mental illness, I always was an oddball artistic freak and kinda dig it actually, but once I started questioning my sexuality I lost a lot of confidence in myself and sex with woman became almost impossible, even thought I would be head over heel over a girl as soon as I would get close to having sex with them the thoughts would never stop, am I gay? at first I thought it's fine it'll go away but it's been 2 years and it's as strong as ever. My issue is kinda weird, my family is absolutely comfortable with homosexuality and I am too, I hang out with a bunch of artistic and progressive people who would love to just finally see me happy (they don't care who I bang and I don't care who they bang), i've tried to tell myself : ''okay i'm gay, okay i'm bisexual, okay i'm whatever I am'' but still it doesn't work for me, it doesn't make sense. I am sure i'm not the first to go trought this and I appreciate any feedback on this thread, i'm 24 years old and I really want to get my life together and this is definitely something I need to work on.
     
  2. SkyWinter

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So why do you question if you are gay right before you have sex with a girl? You haven't really mentioned any attraction to any guy, any crush, any fantasies, or anything really. Why would you be gay? Why would that thought come up before sex?
     
  3. wanderlus

    Regular Member

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    Well that is the million dollar question why would I question my sexuality, but I do, I have to mention that I don't have sex with woman often anymore, the reason I think I question myself is that for a while I don't think I have the same attraction to girls as I used to, I do get really anxious when I hang out with guys, If I see a handsome guy I get nervous and I do get the occasional thoughts of kissing and touching etc... but it doesn't really aroused me, I mean for a while I thought it could be some sort of anxiety issue where my mind just kind loops my fears, I was raised by a single mom and had issues with being a little boy, always felt like my friends we're more ''manly'' than me and that I was more feminine than them, I thought those insecurities where gone and I was doing quite well until two years ago when I suddenly fell into depression. I am really hoping to open up a little about issues that I have and I'm in no way trying to disrespect this community it's quite the opposite really I feel like here I can discuss anything and people would give me an honest opinion about whatever is on my mind. Thank you for your feedback.
     
  4. Tomás1

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    San Francisco
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Your issue is more a lack of confidence, general confusion, & absence of vision/purpose. It's playing out in the things u mention around sexual identity. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, w the underlying uncertainty being the casual factor.

    U need to work on yourself, & get your life together. This could be through therapy, a spiritual path for reflection & community, a men's group, etc. For men, life purpose, career & vocation are critical. Maybe it's art. But u need to find something to pour yourself into, & let your relationship stuff resolve itself.
     
    #4 Tomás1, Aug 30, 2016
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2016